Page 39 of The Life We Almost Had

‘No. A bottle of water would be good though.’

My mouth was dry, too full of the words I couldn’t speak.

While Adam was in the shop, I stared out into the distance. A yacht bobbed towards the opposite island.

‘Here you go.’ Adam handed me a bottle of Evian. ‘And this is for you. Us.’ He rustled a paper bag towards me. Inside was a lock and a pen.

‘Can we do it later?’ I pushed the bag back towards him.

‘Anna, what’s wrong?’ He looked at me with such concern. Such love.

I had to tell him.

Today.

Now.

‘Nothing… I… Let’s do the lock. Can you write it?’

‘What shall I put?’ Adam removed the cap of the marker with his teeth. ‘Adam and Star?’

He hadn’t called me Star for such a long time. It was being back here, the nostalgia making us feel nothing had changed when of course, everything had. More than he knew. Why couldn’t I just say it?

‘I think…’ I took a deep breath of salty air. The sun was dipping over the ocean, burning a fiery red ball into the centre of the sea. In the distance, a guitarist strummed a ballad. I couldn’t understand the Spanish words he was singing but I felt his emotions.

All of them.

I had wanted the perfect moment and it didn’t get more perfect than this. ‘I think you should write “Adam & Anna” but leave a space underneath.’

‘For a love heart?’

‘For another name.’

‘I don’t get it?’ His eyes drifted from my face, to the hand I had placed protectively over my stomach. ‘Do you… You’re not…’

‘I am.’

The sun shifted once more, the sky turning coral.

Suddenly he was crying and I was crying and, although I knew it was impossible, although I knew I was only six weeks pregnant, I swear I felt the baby – our baby – turn cartwheels of joy inside of me.

It would all be all right. Without the pressure of trying to conceive. The crushing disappointment when I didn’t. It would all be all right.

It had to be.

Chapter Twenty-Three

Adam

Stretching my hands towards the sky, I roared, ‘I’m going to be a dad!!’ My elation was carried in the salty sea breeze, lightly touching a clutch of tourists snapping the sunset. They turned and smiled. Sharing my joy.

Our joy.

‘I’m going to be a dad!’ I couldn’t stop saying it. I picked up Anna and swung her round and round, until I was dizzy with the movement, dizzy with her news, dizzy with the responsibility. ‘Oh God.’ I rested her down gently but didn’t let go of her. ‘Do you feel sick? Do you need to sit down?’

‘I’m fine,’ she laughed. ‘A bit tired but fine.’

She did look pale but there was something else in her expression. Relief? She couldn’t have thought I would be anything but over the moon.

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