Page 133 of Powerful Deception

“Amore, I’m sorry that I didn’t come sooner. I’m sorry that I just put you in the ground and didn’t visit you for a whole year. That wasn’t right of me.”

I should have made more of an effort. Visiting her should have been something that I did on a regular basis, not just once a year on the anniversary.

“I hope you forgive me.”

The February wind moves around me and if my mom were here she would tell me that Angelina is here and listening.

“Hopefully you can forgive me for everything else too. Hopefully you can forgive me for letting myself fall for someone not even a year after your death.”

I let my head fall forward in shame.

I didn’t come here to tell her about the woman I’ve been sleeping with for the last four months. I came here to tell her about how much the kids miss her and how Alessandra looks just like here.

But here I am, using my wife’s gravestone as a confessional.

“Her name is Arianna and she just started out as the nanny a few months ago. Somehow she was able to get under my skin and become intrigued by her. Believe me when I tell you that I didn’t want to. After you died, I was just going to live life without another woman. Without anyone besides the kids, because I loved you too much to do that to you.”

I can feel tears start to form in my eyes.

I just don't know if its because I’m here and I miss her, or because of all the guilt eating at me.

“I tried, Angelina. I tried to stay away from her, to not fall for her, but I couldn’t. I fucking fell and I didn’t know how hard, until yesterday.”

My mind goes back to how I felt when that fucker was on top of her and pointed a gun to her head and when Gallo threatened her.

All I felt was rage and the only thing in my line of vision was blood.

Nobody was going to take Arianna from me. If I was going to lose her, it was going to be at her own accord.

“I thought I was going to lose her, and in that moment, I felt the same way I felt when I lost you. Despair, guilt, rage. Never did I think that I would have felt that way again, especially for a woman, yet I did.”

Closing my eyes, I speak the words that I wanted to say right before the Gala.

“I love her, Angelina. I shouldn’t, not this close to you passing. I shouldn’t because she’s too young, and I shouldn’t because she lied to me, she was betraying me and was working with my enemy to bring me down, but I do. I love her. I love everything about her. I love how she’s with the kids and how she treats them as if they were hers. I love how she conveys herself and how she holds this power within her. I love her and I tried to push that away, but I couldn’t. Loving her just seems like second nature. Like breathing. I love her, and just because I do, doesn’t mean that she is going to replace you. She won’t. Not in my eyes or in the kids’. You will always be in our hearts, minds and souls, and I will spend the rest of my life telling the kids everything about you. But we need Arianna. We need her to bring laughs and smiles and life back into our world. We need her to bring back everything that we lost when we lost you and she’s done that. Hopefully, if I can get her to come back to me, she will continue to do that. I love her, the kids love her and I hope that you are okay with that. I hope you can forgive me for moving on so quickly. I never wanted to hurt you. I love you, Angelina. I hope you know that, but life has to continue, and I hope you are looking down at me and the kids are happy that we are happy.”

I stand up from the ground and place my fingers against the rock. Closing my eyes, I try to embrace the air moving around me.

Finally, I let out a sigh and open my eyes.

“I love you. Say hi to my parents for me.”

With one last look at the gravestone, I start to walk away, silently leaving the promise to come back a lot more and not wait another year.

As I’m walking back to the car, no bodyguards with me today, I look around the cemetery.

Angelina is buried a few miles out of the city, mostly at the wishes of her parents, so it’s a lot less crowded than the cemeteries in the city.

And if I remember correctly, someone else was buried here.

Ignoring my car, I decided to walk around the cemetery, with hopes that I find the grave site that I’m looking for.

After an hour, and kindly asking the groundskeeper for some help, I’m able to find the gravesite. Except, I’m not the only one there to pay a visit.

I stop in my tracks, not wanting to spook her, so for a few minutes I just watch her.

Much like me, she has bruises and cuts on her face. Hers are just not as bad as mine. She also has her left arm in a sling.

I’m guessing she went to the doctor after dropping me off.

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