Page 33 of In The Darkness

“I’m just leaving,” he said brusquely. “I have to go.”

She put her hands out and pressed lightly against his chest as she looked up at him with those dark eyes that threatened to swallow him up. “Please don’t push me away. I need to speak to you.”

The feel of her touching him made his head swim with guilt and need, never a good combination of emotions. He felt his feet move backwards into the apartment, and Persephone followed him, closing the door behind her.

Swiveling her head left and right, she looked around his home and smiled again. “This is so very much you, Nick. Very few decorations and very functional.”

At that moment, nothing in him seemed to be functioning right. He couldn’t be there with her. Why she didn’t understand that he couldn’t fathom, but he didn’t know the words to explain it to her either.

“Persephone, you shouldn’t be here. You should be home. I didn’t see anyone in the hallway. Why aren’t you letting your father have security watch you?”

Her smile faded. “I’m not a child, Nick. I’m guessing you’re not that much older than I am.”

“It’s for your own safety. You should let him do that.”

Nick didn’t know why they were having this argument. He had no right to tell her what to do with her life. That he hated the idea of her being hurt again so much it made him want to kill someone meant nothing.

Taking a step toward him, she touched his hand gently before squeezing it. “I need to talk to you.”

“About what?” he asked, sure he didn’t want to hear the answer.

“I’ve been doing a lot of thinking since what happened. I have some ideas about what I want to do now, but I’m not sure how to implement them,” she said, grimacing as she admitted that truth.

He didn’t know what she meant, but he saw it clearly bothered her that she hadn’t been able to start working on these ideas yet. Some part of him wanted to help, but he knew better. What happened between them would always get in the way of anything they did together.

No matter what it was or how much he wanted to be around her to help with anything she could need.

“I don’t know what I could do to help,” he lied, hating how dismissive the words sounded as they came out of his mouth.

Persephone let go of his hand and hung her head. “What have I done to you to deserve being treated like this, Nick? Will you just tell me so I can fix it?”

He stared down at her as she stood there completely dejected and felt the self-loathing wash over him again. She hadn’t done a damn thing to deserve this from him. If anything, he should be working day and night to earn her forgiveness for what he did.

And even knowing all of that, he still couldn’t see how anything but pushing her away would be good for her.

“I don’t know what you mean. You don’t have to fix anything. This is just who I am,” he said, mixing his lies with that single truth in the middle.

She lifted her head, and he saw she didn’t believe him. “No, it’s not. You were good and kind to me all those times you came into that room where they kept me tied up. You made me smile. Where is that man who became my lifeline? I would have given up if it wasn’t for him. Where is he in this functional world you live in?”

Suddenly, watching her protest against his lies became too much for even him to stand. He didn’t want to be the person who pushed her away, even if a voice in his head screamed that what he’d done would forever haunt them.

Taking hold of her hand, he squeezed it gently and smiled. “I don’t know how you’ve forgiven me, but I’d give anything to know how to do it.”

Her eyes filled with tears. “How to forgive me? What have I done? Tell me and I promise I’ll make it up to you, Nick.”

He shook his head, unable to understand how she couldn’t admit what he knew. “You have nothing to make up to me. It’s me who owes you. I can’t forget what I did, and no matter how many times I justify it, I can’t forgive myself.”

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Chapter Twelve

“There’s nothing toforgive. You saved my life. Nothing else matters,” Persephone said, suddenly realizing the depth of his guilt.

Knowing why Nick had been so cold to her the week before made her wonder how much he’d tortured himself over that one act. Out of everything he’d done to save her, he’d focused on that one moment in time until it pushed out all the good he’d done.

He dropped his hold on her hand and backed away, just as he had practically every time he’d been close to her since that nightmare ended for them. Turning his back on her, he said in a low voice, “You should leave now.”

“I don’t want to leave, Nick. I want to stay and tell you that you don’t have to be forgiven for anything. You don’t.”

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