Page 25 of In The Darkness

She just wanted to go home.

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Chapter Nine

In a flash,he opened his eyes and looked across the room to the couch to make sure Persephone still lay there. He hadn’t planned on falling asleep, especially since he had a feeling she’d take the first chance she could to get away from him and chasing her around the dark woods wasn’t anything he wanted to do that night.

Not that he could blame her for never wanting to be near him again.

He watched her all curled up sleeping soundly and hoped to God the memory of what happened back at that house didn’t haunt her even in her dreams. He couldn’t do anything about that now, as much as he wished he could turn back time and change what he did.

She’d never forgive him. He knew that for sure. How could she? He couldn’t, so he didn’t see how she could.

Taking a deep breath, he let it out slowly while he worked to force his brain from replaying that one horrible act over and over. He’d done some terrible things in his life that he’d have to live with until the day he died. He accepted that as part of the job he chose to do. He could have just become a run-of-the-mill private eye or something benign like that after leaving the bureau. Spend all his time finding lost relatives for money and being bored out of his mind.

At least then he wouldn’t have regrets. Well, other than throwing his life away in exchange for being safe.

But he chose to become a hired gun because he needed the rush going undercover had always given him. He liked the danger. Hell, he loved it. He fed off it. Infiltrating some group and pretending to be one of them for the greater good gave him the adrenaline rush he craved and the ability to do good that made his conscience feel right at the end of the day.

That made up for that mistake he made back in his bureau days.

So what if he had to act in ways other people found immoral? He got the job done, and when it was all said and done, that’s all that counted.

He’d always been able to tell himself that when questions popped up in his mind about the things he’d done all in the name of the job. This was different, though.

Persephone made it different.

Never before had he cared enough for a client to do what he did. He knew how fucked up that sounded. Even he had a hard time thinking that, but it was the truth he couldn’t escape.

He did what he had to so the rest of those monsters didn’t do the same to her.

Not that an excuse like that would ever be one she’d accept. He knew that. It didn’t change what he believed, though.

Over on the couch, she stretched her legs and made a mewing sound that hit him like a knife to his heart. Was she having a nightmare about what he did to her? Is that why she whimpered like she was in pain?

Fuck. He needed to get her back home so she could forget him and return to her life of whatever media mogul’s daughters and heiresses to one of the world’s biggest fortunes did with their days and nights. Her father would insist she have security round the clock, which was good because who knew when another group like the National Equality Militia bastards would try again. And next time that group might be worse and not let her live after taking the money.

She needed protection. He suspected that she needed a lot more after what she’d been through. Hopefully, some day she’d find this all just a bad memory she overcame. He hoped so. He didn’t believe for a second that she’d ever accept that he did what he did to protect her, but at least maybe she could come to forget the harsher edges of the memory.

Even if he never would.

Persephone rolled over and faced him. Still asleep, she curled herself into a ball and tucked her hands under her chin. She looked content somehow after all she’d been through. That could be true, right? He wanted to think it could be, even if he had to delude himself into believing it.

Whatever the truth was, the sooner he got her back home, the sooner he wouldn’t have to think about this entire job anymore. Like every other time in his life when he’d done something he knew people wouldn’t understand, he’d push it down deep inside and do everything he had to so he didn’t think about it.

He looked over at Persephone and felt a twinge of sadness. Forgetting what he did would mean he had to forget her. In the short time they’d been thrown together, she’d somehow found a way past his defenses and into the part of him he let almost nobody see. He didn’t know how she did it either. One minute she was just a client he needed to rescue, and the next minute he was trying to figure out what excuse he could give those bastards why he needed to be in that room with her.

A tiny voice whispered what he already suspected for days. He was entirely too close to this case.

To her.

It had happened to him once before. Tanya. He’d let his guard down and fallen in love with her, and what had she gotten for that? A few months of happiness with him before some fuck killed her when he found out she was his informant. It was as bad as if he’d taken her life himself.

He’d made a mistake, and that mistake had gotten her killed. No matter how long he lived, he’d never forgive himself for that. He’d known all the reasons why that was one of the worst things anyone on the job could do, and he still he let himself fall in love.

Falling in love with someone you were trying to save was no different. He knew that. What two people went through when the world was raining shit down on their heads didn’t equal love. Nick didn’t know what it equaled.

Other than the fucking risk of both of them dying because his feelings clouded his judgment. He couldn’t let that happen again.

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