Page 70 of Beautiful Beast

And if an almighty does exist, no one should have to pay money to access him. Certain resources should be equally available to everyone, but that’s a pipe dream.

“We better get ready,” I say softly.

We arrive at the church early to avoid running into anyone, and it’s a truly beautiful building that has the same effect on me as the library.

The vaulted ceilings, arched pillars, and striking stained glass are overpowering and overwhelming for someone who doesn’t understand the Catholic rules and rituals. For today, I’m in the presence of reverence, and I immediately want to lower my voice and bow my head.

But Adam in a tailored black suit with a bright red tie – his uncle’s favorite color – is the sight that I can’t take my eyes off.

There’s something about dangerous-looking, tattooed men in suits that really melts my insides and sets my heart on fire. And I only realized that fun fact after meeting Adam.

Adam treats me like the most sacred person in his life who he will protect at all costs. He also wants me with unrelenting hunger, his eager attention melting away my insecurities.

Feeling safe and desired is an insanely good combination for someone who has been through what I have, and I’m so grateful to have him in my life.

People start trickling into the lower level, and while we can see them, they can’t see us. I’m sure people are wondering about where Adam is, but he’s not here to put on a show for anyone. And the rumors are better than having his picture taken and splashed all over Page Six.

Adam takes my hand and intertwines our fingers, keeping his gaze on the podium. The low baritone of the priest is soothing, and I learn about Adam’s uncle through the lens of those closest to him.

“I should go say something,” Adam mutters, battling with the decision to stay hidden.

“You already said everything you wanted to say right to your Uncle Dennis,” I soothe, not wanting him to feel obligated to step out in such a public way.

There’s something to be said for baby steps.

He turns and gives me a devastating grin. “You’re right. This spectacle isn’t for him. Thank you for being here, princess.”

Somewhere along the way, the nickname he called me as an insult the first time we met has become an endearing pet name.

“I need a nickname for you. I’m not sure I like the whole beast idea.”

Adam smirks. “You couldn’t handle my beast mode.”

There are so many sides of this man that I don’t know, and I can’t wait to continue peeling back all the layers.

We sit in silence and listen to countless people reflecting on how Dennis Townsend positively affected their lives. I wish like hell that I could have met him.

“Death always makes me think about the future,” I whisper. “People make all of these plans based on their hopes and dreams. And we start to think of those plans as ours, as a given. Then when things don’t work out, we grieve something that was never ours to hold. And it just makes you realize how… fragile and painful life can be.”

Adam turns his tear-stained face to mine. “You’re an awfully smart twenty-four-year-old.”

“Hey, I’m more than a nice butt, what can I say?”

He smiles, which is exactly what I was after. Funerals don’t have to be devastating occurrences. They should be celebrations of life, not dwelling on what could have been.

While we wait for everyone to clear out of the church, Adam tells me happy stories from his childhood that center around his Uncle Dennis. His father sounded like he was a mean son of a bitch, and I’m so glad Adam had a north star after losing his mom.

I didn’t have anyone.

And sometimes it feels like I still don’t.

“The first birthday I had after my mom died, my father didn’t even acknowledge it,” Adam says. “I always knew he wished I didn’t exist, and I guess having a day to remind him that I did was too much. Our house was never a happy place, but it was so much worse after my mom was gone. She should have left him and had some happy years without his abuse.”

“I don’t understand why some people even have kids. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m sure glad you’re here. But your dad sounds like he was the least nurturing man on the planet.”

“I won’t have them. I can’t risk it. What if I become more and more like him as I get older? It isn’t my mom’s sweet personality that let me kill people, Belle. Part of him makes up part of me, and there’s no way to know how much.”

He hinted at this fear in the past, but it runs very deep and is affecting his future. Adam has so many mental obstacles blocking his happiness and I hope he’ll fight to knock them down.

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