Page 47 of Beautiful Beast

The entire ordeal is still way too raw for me to find any flip comments funny.

“Buster had a mast cell tumor when he was a small puppy,” I explain without being asked. “He’s only three now, but this was when he still fit comfortably on my lap.”

Adam nods to show he’s listening, but doesn’t say anything as he tucks into the beef and broccoli I ordered for him. I appreciate that he doesn’t press for details despite his evident curiosity. His respect for me and Buster makes me want to tell him even more.

“Buster’s first vet told me that everything was fine and the lump was benign. I was so new to dog ownership, and I made the mistake of believing him without getting a biopsy. He diagnosed it just by looking at it, confident it was a histiocytoma, which is common in boxers.”

I’m still beating myself up for the error, and Adam pauses in eating to rest a hand on my knee. He’s an exceptional listener, though, and while he’s showing support, he doesn’t interrupt the flow of my story.

“So, I got a second opinion, and that vet did a biopsy. It was a malignant mast cell tumor that had to come off immediately. But when he did the surgery to remove it, he burned Buster with a heating pad. It was…”

Tears fill my eyes and I take a moment to let the wave of emotion subside before continuing.

“Jesus, Adam, it was bad. It burned him down to the muscle, and he had to be wrapped in bandages for months. I took some time off school so I could take care of him. Buster isn’t just a dog to me. He’s my heart.”

“I’m so sorry, Belle.”

“And now every bump or potential issue he has, I panic. I only see a specialist vet now because the thought of another surgery is terrifying and I need an expert every time. I just love him so much.”

“He’s a really sweet dog.”

“They wanted to do cosmetic surgery to close up the fur and make the scar less noticeable. But it would have been an unnecessary procedure. He’s perfect the way he is. Just like you.”

Adam’s eyes soften. “Mine will be fixed as soon as possible. I understand why you didn’t with Buster, but he’s a dog and he doesn’t care. This is affecting my life in a major way. It’s hard to move that side of my face. I’m tired of feeling the tight, aching, pulling sensation.”

“You’ll be perfect after it’s fixed, too. Do whatever you need to do. But I think you’re just as sexy now.”

“I love that you mean that.”

Adam feeds me an epic bite of his dinner and then I do the same, sacrificing a delicious piece of chicken, and such a simple gesture is surprisingly intimate.

“Don’t feel bad about trusting the first vet. When you don’t know something, you hire out. You aren’t a trained medical professional and can’t be expected to figure out what you aren’t trained to recognize. You found another vet who saved Buster, and that’s the important part of the story.”

It’s so easy for him to forgive me, but it will be a long time before I forgive myself.

I really appreciate that he’s trying to help, though, and I decide to share more chicken. As an only child who grew up poor, sharing isn’t my strong suit.

“Are you going to hide the scar in Hong Kong?” I ask.

The scar isn’t small and if he does opt to conceal it, he would need to cover half his face, which would look pretty conspicuous and draw even more attention to the so-called flaw than just leaving it out.

He nods. “I don’t even want to go on this trip, but there’s no way out of it. My scar will most definitely be bandaged. I’ve already found big ones that will stay on all day.”

I wish he didn’t feel the need to cover up, but baby steps are still happening.

At least he’s going on the trip and not missing out on time with his uncle, a sacrifice that he would live to regret.

As much as I love books, I also love Netflix. I force Adam to watch 13 Reasons Why with me but quickly learn that doing anything sitting still with him is terrible. I can curl up in a chair and read for hours, but Adam gets antsy and bored after being immobile for approximately four minutes.

“How are you ever going to work a desk job?” I ask, pausing the show.

“I’ll pace a lot.”

“Will you be happy?”

“When I turn it into what I want, yeah. I always planned to start a business after I retired from combat, and now I can have a business while fulfilling my Uncle Dennis’ final wish.” He shrugs a shoulder like it’s no big deal.

“What will you do?”

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