Page 101 of Beautiful Beast

It’s a struggle to hide my smile, and based on how her face lights up, I must have been unsuccessful.

There’s a lot more to it than a list of objections, but I’ll play along and hope that she will finally understand that being apart is not what I want.

But it’s what we need to do.

Sometimes you have to sacrifice for people you care about, and not being with Belle is the best decision for her future.

“I’m too old for you to have a serious relationship with,” I remind her, starting with the easiest item on the list. “Think about it. When you’re forty, I’ll be over fifty.”

She shrugs. “We’ve been through this one. And it’s alright. I have some really serious daddy issues.”

A rusty laugh escapes before I can capture it. “I’m being serious.”

“So am I. Besides, it’s not like you’re seventy. You’re old. But not oldold.”

“Gee, thanks.”

“Most definitely a response that an old person would give.”

I take a sip of wine before voicing my next objection. “I’m going to have surgery.”

“And?”

“I’ll be out of commission and it will be… hard.”

Contrary to what Briggs and Belle think, I’m not assuming that surgery will be a magic fix. Syria was a catalyst for me to realize just how much pain I’ve been suppressing, and now it’s all above the surface.

Surgery will be a solid first step, but I have a long path ahead if I have any hope of healing.

“I’ll take care of you,” she counters. “I don’t want you to go through it alone. I’ve been there and done it, and trust me, it’s no picnic not to have support. Let me be there for you.”

As much as I thought my heart was dead, or at the very least frozen, this girl is bringing me back to life.

“Like you pointed out, I have PTSD,” I continue.

“That needs to be managed whether you’re with me or not.”

“If I’m not with you, I can’t hurt you,” I remind her.

“We’ve been through this, old-timer. It hurts me more to be apart from you.”

I take her hand and lead her to the couch, sitting on one end and expecting her to sit on the opposite side.

But she doesn’t. She tucks her legs under her and sits so close that our thighs touch, a small gesture that warms my entire body.

I’ve missed physical contact with her so much, and the peace that being in her presence brings to me is unlike anything else I’ve experienced.

“I’m being serious, princess. I’m not a good catch, not a good man. Why would you want to tie yourself to me? You’re so young and have the whole world ahead of you. Belle, you don’t need me. You’ll find someone more appropriate for you.”

He’ll also be a good, safe option.

I just hope I never run into them together because I might kill him just for fun.

“I don’t wantappropriate,” Belle insists. “You are the best man I know. And you have your whole life ahead of you, too. And we can have it together.”

“You already know I’ve been holding back, and that’s not just in bed. I’ve confided in you, Belle, and told you things that no one else knows. But you don’t know the boyfriend version of me, and you’ve only scratched the surface of knowing the killer inside me. I’m not a good choice. I’m the dangerous, uncertain one.”

She starts to say something, probably another counter objection, but I rest a finger on her soft lips.

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