Page 57 of Perfect Cowboy

Henry is the Sheriff, and it doesn’t surprise me that he’s Gavin’s friend. We all went to high school together, and in towns the size of ours, there aren’t many degrees of separation.

“On another note,” Gavin says, “I’ve been thinking about something and have a belated question. I’m assuming you’re on the pill?”

“What?”

The complete change in the conversational trajectory throws me for a loop, but I’m not surprised that he’s asking. He always wanted kids, but not with me. At least, not anymore.

“Last night,” Gavin explains. “Well, earlier this morning anyway. You said it was okay to come inside you. To me, that means you’re on the pill? Or some kind of shot? Or a device?”

The question is a very loaded one.

He probably won’t like my answer, but I’m not going to lie to him anymore.

“No,” I reply. “I’m not on the pill. I don’t have the birth control shot. And nothing has ever been implanted inside me either.”

Chapter 15

Gavin

MyheartsinksatAshley’s words. I can’t decide if I’m more furious at her for lying by omission, or at myself for trusting her when she’s already proven to be untrustworthy.

Feeling like an idiot is not my jam.

Pushing her off me and getting some physical distance is a gut reaction that I force myself to squash. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve gotten steadier and less prone to displays of temper.

There might be a totally reasonable explanation.

And the look I’m giving her is asking for one.

Quickly.

She leans back to stare into my eyes, and my hands immediately interlace at the base of her spine to support her weight.

“I can’t get pregnant,” she whispers.

The expression on her face is so haunting that I can’t get any words out. It’s the mixture of her heartbreak and insecurity that has me holding my breath and waiting for more.

“It’s the main reason my ex and I broke up,” Ashley continues. “We tried to get pregnant for over a year and… Nothing. I was doing everything. Tracking my cycle like it was my job. Taking all the supplements. Timing sex like it was a chore – and it was. Nothing worked.”

I can’t imagine ever considering sex a chore. It’s most definitely one of my favorite pastimes and it’s supposed to be fun and pleasurable for both people.

“I didn’t even like him at the end,” Ashley admits. “I had to read sexy scenes from my books on days that I knew we had to have sex in order to even be able to deal with it.”

It sounds like a completely miserable relationship, but she was going to marry the guy. I guess settling is just something people do when they get older and want to start a family.

“Did you guys get tested?” It’s the only thing I can think to ask because it’s exactly what I would have done if I’d been in the situation.

Ashley shakes her head. “He was convinced the problem was me because he got a girl pregnant back in high school. She had an abortion, but to him, it proved that his sperm worked. There’s such a thing as secondary infertility, and we needed testing and to get help, but he refused. I think he found the whole thing emasculating.”

“So, he cheated.”

Ashley gives me a smile that contains no happiness. “Yeah. Honestly, I don’t even blame him. I was a nightmare to be around. All I could think about was babies. It wasn’t even about him anymore. I just wanted to get pregnant and he became a means to make it happen.”

I shake my head. “The blame for cheating falls on him. The blame for the relationship falling apart lands on both of you. But he could have ended things, suggested therapy, or done any number of things other than step out.”

“I guess,” Ashley replies, “but I wasn’t even upset about it. You know what my first thought was? That I could get tested and use donor sperm. I didn’t even care that he found someone else who was younger and more likely to get pregnant. His words.”

“Wow.”

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