Page 71 of Perfect Cowboy

Gavin chuckles. “Yeah, he gave me some shit.”

“And your parents?”

He’s silent for a few beats, and I can only imagine the heat he took for bringing me back to the property. He’s running the ranch now, but it’s still his parents’ home and they deserve a say in who lives here.

I need to get my shit together as soon as possible and leave them to their peaceful lives.

“My dad is okay with you staying here,” Gavin says slowly. “Mom will take some convincing. But it’s not like she’s going to send you away.”

“Ugh. I’m so sorry. I mentioned that fact, right? I feel terrible for putting you out.”

“Hey, now,” Gavin says, resting his hand on my thigh. “Don’t worry about it. Everyone will adjust.”

“It won’t be for long anyway.”

I say the words to try and reassure him that his life will be back to normal soon, but the silence in the truck is suddenly oppressively heavy.

“As I said, there’s no rush, babe.”

“How come Cameron isn’t driving into town with us?”

It’s not exactly close and it would make sense to carpool whenever possible to save on fuel costs. I’m hoping the reason isn’t that I’m here.

“He stays out later than I do these days, plus he’s seeing someone in town and might crash at her place for the night.”

We spend the drive talking about our college days, and it makes me sad all over again that we didn’t get to experience them together.

When Gavin explains the program and school he ultimately decided on, I’m immediately ashamed for calling him a dumb cowboy and I apologize.

“Don’t sweat it. You can make it up to me later,” Gavin replies, turning to give me a wink.

I hope that means we’ll be sharing a bed tonight. I’m not scared to be alone because there are a whole lot of armed men around me who are on Gavin’s side. Surely, that means they’re also on my side, even if it’s begrudgingly.

It’s just that nothing compares to having him next to me. I can’t believe that I once had him all to myself and let him go.

“Do you think we’d still be together if I didn’t leave?” I ask softly.

There’s a half-smile on Gavin’s face that isn’t anywhere close to happy, and I should probably just stop picking at old wounds.

But I’m dying to know his thoughts, and part of me is desperate to fantasize about the other path my life could have taken. Maybe I’d be happy right now if I had followed it.

“Yeah, but I’m a romantic at heart. I imagine we would have gone to college together or made it work long-distance so we could both pursue our dreams. And then we would have come back to each other better and stronger than ever. We’d probably be married by now.”

Jesus.

His words steal my breath and I picture what it would be like, immersing myself in the alternate life that could have been mine. I’d live on the ranch with him, and by now, everyone would be used to my presence. I would have made peace with all the people who mattered.

We’d be happy.

Maybe we’d even have children.

Part of me wants to shout that it’s not too late and we can still arrive at the same destination, even after taking a fork in the road.

But it would be like trying to put raindrops back into the clouds after they already started falling.

Impossible.

Painful.

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