Page 96 of Perfect Alpha

Ordering myself not to cry, I look to Cade and let him decide how to handle this situation, which I’m sure will be ongoing. If adults can’t truly comprehend death, how on earth can Aidan’s toddler brain make any sense of it?

Cade crouches down so he’s at eye level with his nephew. “Remember when we were driving Mama to work and that big truck hit ours?”

Aidan’s chin trembles violently. “Me ‘member. Scary.”

“I know,” Cade agrees, taking Aidan’s hand. “I was terrified, too, buddy.”

My face clogs, and I have to turn away, not wanting to make Aidan cry with all my emotions that I don’t know what to do with anymore.

“Remember I told you that Mama… That she got really hurt?” Cade asks.

Aidan nods solemnly. “MeseeMama,” he insists. “Mama make chicken soup when me sick. You give her soup?”

Cade closes his eyes and clenches his jaw. My body burns with the need to comfort him, but I can’t intrude in their moment.

“I did, buddy,” Cade replies. “The doctors, they did everything they could. They tried so hard to help your mama. But remember I told you that she died in the accident? That means she isn’t coming home, buddy.”

“Ever?” Aidan whispers, his voice shaking.

His little fists are clenching and unclenching while he glares accusingly at his uncle, who wants nothing more in the world than to take away all his pain.

Cade shakes his head and wipes tears from his eyes. “Ever.”

He said that he would never lie to Aidan or give him false hope that he’ll see Hannah again just to make his own life easier. It wouldn’t be fair in the long run even if it would make the present easier to handle.

“But…” Aidan’s lip trembles, and he’s clutching his stuffed bunny so hard that his knuckles are white. “Mama no love me?”

Oh, God.

I’m crying as quietly as possible while looking out the window, picturing all the times Hannah and I shared secrets on the deck from toddlerhood until just this past summer.

“Your mama loves yousomuch, Aidan. More than anything in the entire world,” Cade says, his voice thick with unshed tears.

“Then Mama come home! Miss Mama! Want Mama! Don’t want you! WantMama! Go get her! Right now! RIGHT NOW! Uncle Cade! Go get her!”

“I wish I could,” Cade whispers. “God, Aidan, I wish I could so bad.”

“ME HATE YOU!” Aidan screams at the top of his lungs.

He throws his bunny against the wall before collapsing on the ground, wildly flailing his limbs. The crack of his arms and legs on the floor makes me wince, and the poor kid is completely out of his mind with rage that he has no idea how to process.

Cade picks him up, getting punched and kicked repeatedly. But he holds Aidan tight while he repeats, “I love you, Aidan. I love you so much. I love you, buddy.”

Normally, Aidan tires of temper tantrums after a few minutes. Cade paces with Aidan screaming in his arms for what feels like forever, patiently trying to soothe a toddler who just wants his mom, the one thing in the world we can’t give him.

Eventually, Aidan exhausts himself and is half-asleep on Cade’s chest while sucking his thumb. The despair on Cade’s face cracks my heart in two.

“I’m going to bring him upstairs to bed,” he says, exhaustion marring his handsome face.

I nod. “Can I… Can I do anything?”

He shakes his head. “You should go home and get some proper rest. You’ve done more than enough for us, and I can already never repay you.”

“We aren’t keeping score,” I remind him. “I’ll be here after you get him settled, okay?”

His sad smile doesn’t come anywhere close to reaching his eyes, and my heart aches for everything this little family has lost.

With nothing else to do, I clean the house while waiting, talking to Hannah silently in my head.I miss you, babe. We miss yousomuch. Please help us figure out the best thing to do to help your boy. We need you, and we love you.

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