Page 119 of Perfect Alpha

“I wouldn’t have it any other way,” I reply. “That little boy means the world to me, and your sister was one of the best parts of my life.”

Holding Aidan in my arms every night and taking care of him has become so instinctive, natural, and right. Now I know without a doubt being a mom to biological kids is something I eventually want.

“How many babies are we going to have?” I ask, making my way to the stairs as we head toward our bonus son.

No oneis going to take him from us.

“At least three,” Cade replies. “I’m totally up for the job.”

I laugh. “I don’t know. That sounds like a lot of work, having sex with youthreeseparate times.”

Cade growls and chases after me, both of us running down the hall laughing as we head to Aidan’s room. His crocodile tears have dried up by the time we arrive, and he’s giving us a sleepy smile.

“Mama no coming, right?” he asks.

I didn’t think my heart could break again, but the sadness on Aidan’s sweet, innocent face proves me wrong. His bedroom is safari-themed, and I helped Hannah painstakingly add every decal to the wall.

I never want to change a thing because that means Hannah’s little boy is growing up and she isn’t here to see it.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, I lean forward and rub his back. “No, little man. I’m so sorry that she isn’t coming. But I promise she wants to and wishes she could. Your mama loves you so much.”

I can’t bring myself to use the past tense because Hannah’s love for this beautiful little boy hasn’t ended. It will carry on through me and Cade.

His chubby hand reaches for mine. “But you come.”

Tears spill down my cheeks, and I crawl into bed with Aidan, pulling him tight against me. Even though his toddler bed is tiny, Cade squeezes in behind us and wraps us both up tight.

I’ve never felt safer or more secure than I do in his arms, even when the world is crumbling.

“I’ll never stop coming for you,” I promise fiercely.

“We go Mama’s work?” Aidan asks the same question every day, and it doesn’t get any easier to keep saying no.

“We’re going to make macaroni and cheese,” I tell him gently. “You can help me add the cheese.”

So many emotions cross his little face, and I hold my breath, expecting a scream or sobs.

Instead, he asks, “Chicken nuggets?”

“Sure, buddy,” Cade agrees. “And we can go out for ice cream after.” Winter in Montana is basically living in ice cream, but Cade adores the stuff and eats it year-round.

“Chocolate ice cream?” Aidan asks hopefully.

“Whatever kind you want,” Cade promises.

“Mama like cookie dough,” Aidan whispers.

“Let’s go write that one down,” I reply. “You’re right, that was her favorite. Do you remember what kind of cone she liked?”

We have a “Hannah box” where we put mementos, and I write Aidan’s memories of his mama in a leather-bound notebook.

Cade and I also participate, sharing stories that one day we hope Aidan will find comfort in looking back on. It’s so important to us that he never forgets Hannah. Even if she’s physically gone, we can still build her memory into family time.

“Waffle,” Aidan whispers.

“That’s right,” I agree, ordering myself not to cry.

“Love mama,” Aidan tells me. “Me wanna talk to her.”

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