Page 110 of Perfect Alpha

Gemma:Hey, Victory! Would love to get all the girls together before you head back to Montana. Let’s sneak in dinner and drinks before your flight tomorrow morning. My treat.

My stomach is a rock of dread, and I re-read the message twice before it makes sense. Shit. I told Fiona that I was leaving on Monday morning, and she clearly passed the message along to the rest of the team.

Gemma has been so understanding of my crazy schedule, and she was the one who gave a small-town kid a chance. Passing up her offer of a team-building dinner would be ungrateful. Besides, I enjoy spending time with these women, and I won’t be back very often in the future.

Victory:Love to! I’ll make a reso and email everyone the details.

All my desire to hear Cade’s sexy and satisfied morning after voice evaporates because he is going to be so mad. I can’t take having that conversation – or more likely argument – right now. Instead, I send him a text before promptly turning my phone off.

Victory:Sorry, Cade, looks like I need to stay until Monday after all. There's an impromptu night out with my boss, and I can’t say no. I’ll be home with you guys on Monday by noon at the latest. Miss you! Love you!

Anxiety clenches my organs in a vice grip all day, but I don’t turn my phone back on. Cade will be furious either way, so I might as well try to enjoy my last night in New York and face the music tomorrow.

Not that I’m enjoying myself, exactly.

Missing him is a physical ache, and I’ve never been more emotionally exhausted.

Vince calls when I’m packing on Monday morning. His voice sends remorse coursing through me, so I tell him to stop by. I’ve completely ghosted him, and considering he’s such a decent guy, he doesn’t deserve it.

Even though I’m expecting him, the buzzer still makes me jump a mile before I dash over and hit the button that will allow him entry into the building. Restless energy fills me with idle movements because I’m just so anxious to get home to my family.

Now that I’ve had a taste of what I want and always assumed was out of my reach – an actual adult relationship with Cade – my second choice life just isn’t good enough anymore.

Vince looks almost sheepish as he enters my apartment when it’s me who should be embarrassed.

“Sorry, I’m in the middle of packing, but I wanted to talk to you in person,” I explain, giving Vince a quick kiss on the cheek before heading back to my suitcase.

“I’m glad,” he replies. “I’ve missed you and have been dying to take you out again.”

Looking at the sweet and sexy man across the room makes everything click into place.

He’s perfect for me and has done everything right. He has relentlessly pursued me, but not in a creepy way. It’s just been a no-bullshit-I-really-like-you-and-don’t-want-to-play-games way. My situation with Cade never would have happened with Vince.

He’s exactly what any reasonable woman would want in a boyfriend. The fact that he’s still single and doesn’t have women fighting over him is unbelievable. He’s stable, secure, and solid, not to mention very easy on the eyes.

But I want nothing to do with him.

Cade is imperfect and stumbling his way through learning to be the man I need. But I do need him, and I haven’t been truly living without him in my life.

I don’t want to just go through the motions anymore. I want to be present in my life with the people who matter to me. They will never come second to my job again.

Losing Hannah is the worst thing that’s ever happened to me. But, damn, did that painful loss ever teach me that life is short and time just keeps on ticking whether you make the effort to be happy or not.

And I’m done being indifferent to the world around me when there are so many wonderful things to experience with the man I love.

Cade has ruined me for anyone else, and no one could ever compare to him. If I tried to be with anyone else, I’d constantly be thinking about what Cade would say and do, how he smells, how he fucks…

No, there isn’t anyone else for me.

Vince is completely disconnected from my life and has no idea what happened to Hannah. I don’t want to tell him because tears are not something that should enter our final conversation.

“You’re an amazing guy.” I pause to look into his eyes before stuffing another T-shirt into my suitcase. “Any girl would be so lucky to have you.”

Vince’s face falls, and my heart squeezes. Hurting people is not my MO, and I never should have started dating him. My heart belongs to another man, and Vince had no hope of stealing it away.

“But that girl isn’t you.” He sounds resolute, but the sadness in his eyes makes me ache.

I shake my head. “I’m so sorry. And I know it’s the worst cliché of all time, but it really isn’t you. I recently got back together with my ex-boyfriend, and we’re determined to make it work this time around. I’m so sorry if I led you on.”

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