Page 115 of Perfect Alpha

“Yes, of course you do, we both do. That’s why I think we need some time apart.”

“No,” he snaps. “That’s bullshit. We need to figure things out together. That’s what couples do.”

“Funny, I wasjusttrying to explain that to you,” I return. “I want to hit pause.”

“Pause?”

I nod, tilting my chin defiantly. “Yes. I want to stay with my parents. I need to just focus on grieving for Hannah and figuring out my career. I’m floundering. I want to be in Montana, but I need to sit down and map out a plan.”

“And I’m in the way of that? The guy who told you he’ll support you through anything?”

“I need to figure it out alone,” I stubbornly insist.

I ignore the voice screaming in my head for me to shut up. Whatever the answer is, pulling away from my person shouldn’t be part of the solution. But sometimes my brain steamrolls ahead and makes my mouth say stupid things, especially when I’m hurt.

Cade closes his eyes, and frustration pours off him. “Adult relationships don’t work that way. You can’t hitpause. We’re together, or we’re not. You pick really inopportune times to show your age.”

“Me?” Glancing at Aidan, I lower my voice. “The only time we’re good together is when we’re fucking.”

Cade closes the distance between us and yanks me hard against him. “That isnottrue. Stop trying to run from me and saying shit you don’t mean.”

My hand trails down his chest and hooks into the waistband of his jeans. He immediately pulls back.

“No,” he says. “We can’t solve our problems with sex.”

“We’re good at sex.”

He pulls me close again and hugs me tightly. “Let’s keep getting better at everything else, too. Do you really want to be apart from me? Or, are you just angry and lashing out to hurt me?”

Bristling, I try to pull away, but he holds me tighter. “Think about it,” he begs. “No future is guaranteed, angel. Sometimes, you just have to jump in and commit to making the best of whatever path you choose. You’ve chosen me and life together here, so let’s be all in together no matter what, okay? I’m not perfect, but I’ll never stop trying and never stop fighting for you.”

He’s right but now regret and shame claw through my gut. “I know you won’t.”

“I’m learning. I’m trying.” He lets out a long breath. “I asked you to be patient and not give up on me. I love you so much, and you mean the world to me. I’ll be faithful to you until my last breath, and you can trust me with anything. Isn’t that enough?”

“I’m sorry,” I whisper.

“Come.” Cade takes my hand and scoops Aidan up in his free arm.

We bring Aidan to his room, turn on the video monitor, and then go to Cade’s room, which has slowly become ours.

“I can’t believe Duncan wants custody after all this time,” he says. “I’m fucking sick about it, and it’s only because he told his mom that she has a grandbaby. I wish like hell Hannah had something drawn up, but she didn’t.”

I squeeze my eyes shut, thinking about how Hannah always believed everyone was good, even at her own expense. “Let me help you.”

“I’m protecting you. I’m afraid you’re going to run when things get hard, and I’m trying to carry the heaviest load.”

“I’m stronger than you think I am.”

“I know you are. But you can’t try to leave every time I do something you don’t like. I do things you don’t like every day.”

I laugh and most of my anger drains. “You do have a real knack for it.”

“But I need to know that you’ll stay with me no matter what. Feeling secure about what we have together will make it a lot easier for me to share everything with you. My heart drops whenever I think you’re going to run. It’s me and you now, angel. Forever. So, let’s just focus on that and stop crucifying each other for past mistakes.”

“I’m still scared. I’m moving to Montana, but maybe it would be better if I stayed with my parents and we take things a bit slower.”

“It’s not possible for me to go slow with you,” Cade insists. “Be scared with me. Be happy, sad, angry, or whatever you need to be. We’ll work through it together. Just don’t fucking leave me.”

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