Page 23 of Risks of Temptation
No. I can't stand men touching me there.
"Umm..."
"I can give it to you to do if you wish."
Be a woman. I need to stop letting Zaka destroy everything in my life.
"You can do it," I blurt out.
"Are you sure?"
I nod. The pounding of my pulse beats louder in my ears.
He lightly rubs his fingers on the underside of my breast while I hold my breath.
My chest tightens, and my heart races. I like his hands on me. But my demons don't stay away.
It's not Zaka. It's not Zaka. It's not Zaka.
"Stop!" I cry out, and he moves his hands in the air so I can see them.
Short, ragged breaths come out of my mouth. My eyes well with tears.
Why can't I be normal?
"Ma belle, you okay?" he asks, his hands still in front of my face.
No. Nothing about me is okay.
"Please finish," I whisper.
He stays frozen.
"Ma belle—"
The need to have him finish what he started is something I haven't felt before. "Please."
His head bobs next to my cheek. "Okay. Say stop at any time." He slowly moves his hands back to my breasts.
I press my cheek against his.
His fingers slide around my areolas. "Almost done."
I hold my breath again.
He removes his hands, grabs the T-shirt, and puts it over my head. The soft material hangs against my cleavage, and he holds my bra out for me to put my arms in it.
I slide them through the holes, and he clasps the back of it. When it's secure, he guides my arms into the sleeves of his shirt.
He leans into my ear again. "If it's the last thing I do, I will kill Santiago and the other men who did this to you."
I assume he's talking about my inability to have a man touch me. "It wasn't them who screwed me up." I think I say it in my head, but I soon realize I spoke.
"Who else hurt you?"
I close my eyes, wishing I could be normal and not a total basket case around anything having to do with men. This is the farthest I've ever gotten to enjoying anyone touching me. But it still isn't good enough.
I remove the goggles and hand them to him. "Thanks for letting me try these and taking care of me. Can we go back into the tent now?"
He hesitates.
"My sister will be looking for me and freak if I'm not there."
"Sure." He carries me into the tent. I hold on to him tightly, convinced any chance I had of having him touch me ever again is now blown.
And I hate myself some more.
