Page 131 of Risks of Temptation
"Who is he?" ma belle asks.
"The British ambassador stationed in Panama," I reply.
"Will I be going?"
My chest tightens. I hate her anywhere near these men, but it's too dangerous for her not to be with me. And we're still under scrutiny. "Yes. All events, you will be with me. I will not let you out of my sight."
She raises her chin. "Then I want what we discussed. Is that possible for tonight?"
"Whatever you want, I shall get you."
"Good." She drops her towel again and opens the drawer.
Bernadette raises her eyebrows and smirks. "I'll see you both soon."
"What are you doing?" I ask.
Her innocent expression is on her face. I no longer know if she's trying to tease me or be serious. "Looking for panties. Do I have panties, or do you not want me to wear any?"
"Emilia—"
"Stop calling me Emilia. You are not everyone else. You never called me Emilia. You insinuate you don't want me to forget who we are, yet you seem to have."
"I have not."
"Then why are you constantly calling me Emilia? Am I no longer special to you?"
"You know you are."
"Then don't address me by Emilia. Call me your ma belle all the time or never again. If you're talking about me to someone, you may use Emilia. But not to me."
I'm not sure why I'm suddenly calling her Emilia. She already mentioned it once.
Hurt consumes her expression. "Did my actions last night cause you to think less of me?"
My heart beats faster. "No."
"Then why?"
Silence fills the air. Her blue eyes blaze in anger, digging into mine.
I can't get over my guilt. Nothing she says is ever going to make me believe it's okay for me to own her or the things I did to her last night weren't wrong.
"Why can't you accept things as they are?" she asks.
"How are you okay with any of this?"
She straightens, and her eyes glisten. "Before I met you, I was nobody."
"That's not true."
"It is. And I lived in fear. It owned me and consumed every decision I made. Then I met you. Suddenly, I understood everything missing in my life. You gave me the strength to enjoy what others take for granted. I would rather be your property and get every piece of your affection and loyalty in the process than go back to one second of my boring, lonely, meaningless life. But I refuse to be owned by you and not made to feel special anymore. Because I went into this thinking we were doing something bigger than ourselves...more important than us. If this is what I'm meant to do to make some mark on the world, I'm more than okay with it. And you...you've always been brave and heroic. You don't know what it's like to be scared and insignificant. So I can understand you didn't expect my reaction and are struggling with the truth of how we felt in that room last night, but don't you dare show me what it's like to be yours, then take it away." A tear drips down her cheek, and she wipes it away.
My heart bleeds. I tug her into my arms. There's so much I want to respond to her statement. But all I say is, "No one is more special to me than you, ma belle."
She looks up. "Then don't do this half-hearted. I can't go back and forth. And it's not the man you are. You do everything with certainty and strength. You don't doubt and second-guess. You move forward. It's who I need you to be."
"Nothing I feel toward you is half-hearted. My adoration for you will never waver."
