Page 127 of Risks of Temptation
I dig into his hands with my fingers. "You haven't. I wanted to be your property. I loved you. When I agreed to this, I thought it would be okay, and I would be yours forever."
His eyes glisten, and he blinks hard. "You said, loved. As in used to but no longer do."
"Can someone who is owned, love? Is it allowed? Do I have to worry about not showing affection for you in public? Do I pretend to hate you?"
He lowers his voice so I can hardly hear him. "So you do not love me anymore?"
I pull his hand off my neck and wrap the chain around it. "No matter how much I hated you, I still loved you. But my love for you strangled me, making me think I was strong when I am weak."
"You are strong. All night you proved how much strength you have. Tonight was fucked up. But I was so proud of you. You did everything perfectly. You did it better than me."
I close my eyes, and the shame of the evening tumbles all around me. I whisper, "I hated it. And I wanted it."
Silence fills the air, and my chest rises and falls faster.
He traces my skin above the diamonds. "What did you want, ma belle?"
His hand I wrapped the chain around, I put to my cheek. "The moment you stepped forward, when I had the bag over my head, I smelled you. I was dying for you to touch me. In the last two weeks, I've wanted to know what you would do if I were in the scorpion chair. I stared at the eyelets all over this suite for hours at a time, wondering what it would be like for you to restrain me and have all the control over every aspect of my body. I spent hours on my knees with a dildo in my mouth and Bernadette teaching me to open my throat. When I laid my head on the pillow, I imagined what it would be like with you fisting my hair and guiding the pace when I took you in my mouth. The sounds of the people, it's echoing in my ears, right now. I can't get some of the women's faces or cries out of my mind. The scent of their arousal is permeating me as if sticking on my skin."
His thumb slides over my lips. "I wanted to kiss you when I saw you. I knew I couldn't. When you arrived, I wanted to take you away from it all. Then I lifted the bag. I saw the hatred in your eyes. I heard it in your voice. My weakness... I wanted to break you so you would stop hating me."
I nod. He didn't need to tell me. I saw it in his eyes. "And you wanted to own me."
"So none of those other men could even attempt to buy you," he insists.
I lace my fingers between his hand and the chain. "I saw it in your eyes, Malin. You wanted me to call you Master."
"Because it's required."
"No. You needed me to call you it. There's no point denying it. You, Malin, needed me to call you Master. Not because the Global Leaders were there." I lean closer to his lips.
"Emilia, I—"
"And I'm screwed up."
He furrows his brows. "No, you aren't."
"I am. I was dying to call you it and fully submit."
He freezes, except for his eyes scanning my face.
My heart beats faster. "There's so much I liked."
He swallows hard. "What did you like, ma belle."
"Everything you did to me."
His eyes widen.
"I shouldn't. I hated the men degrading me. But the way you made me feel during it... I... I..."
"I wanted to kill them. I still do."
"There was something about the danger of being in that room...with those men...and seeing how long I could go without submitting to you. And then once I did..." I look away, ashamed of what I just admitted to him.
He turns my chin back. "Finish. I want to know."
I take a deep breath, trying to find the words. "Shame. Fear. Desperation at a catastrophic level." I swallow hard. "And so much pleasure, it masked my disappointment in myself. I couldn't think anymore. I just needed you. I would have sold my soul to the devil at that moment to have you."
