Page 125 of Risks of Temptation
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Emilia
"We're almost there, ma belle."Malin keeps murmuring in my ear.
My heart won't stop racing, and I'm shaking. I bury my head deeper into his chest. Bernadette was right. Lime and leather mix with the smell of sex. I want it off me. It's not mine and Malin's. It's all the others in the room, and I only want to breathe his scent.
I lay limp in his arms, exhausted, and more confused than ever. He holds me tight to him, with his palm on my head, kissing my forehead as he carries me.
We get into the suite, and Malin puts me under the covers. "I'm going to run a bath for you, ma belle."
I grip his shoulder. "Don't leave me. I can't be with the eyes, please."
"The eyes?"
I point to the wall.
His head turns, and he clenches his jaw. He wraps the towel I left on the bed earlier around me then picks me up and carries me into the bathroom. After he turns the water on, he sits on the ledge of the tub, with me on his lap.
"Emilia—"
"Don't," I whisper, my voice hoarse.
He freezes, and his heart pounds harder against my ear. I slide my shaking hand in his chest hair, trying to remember what it was like when we were in Belize.
I don't want to hate him. I want to go back to before. I still love him. But I know he broke me.
It was always the plan. Nothing was hidden from me. He had to destroy me. It was my role to crumble in front of everyone.
I didn't know how weak it would make me feel. Or how I would see him in a different light. I felt screwed up before I ever met him. But now, I'm messed up in ways I didn't know existed.
He begged me not to do this. I thought I was strong. I imagined we would deal with this night and get through it. We would be untouched by the Global Leaders.
We aren't.
Guilt and shame cover Malin's face. Worry and pain fill his eyes.
I suppose my face looks the same. But we have different reasons for those emotions. He thinks he understands mine. In many ways, I don't even need to talk to him to know what he thinks. He's right, and he's wrong.
He cups my cheek with one hand. "I'm sorry. I need you to know how sorry I am."
I can't look at him. His eyes are so full of pain. I can't take any more sorrow tonight. "I don't want to break anymore right now. Please. Let's not talk." If I speak, I have to admit to myself, and him, things I don't want to.
He hesitates but finally nods and puts his hand in the water. "It should be okay to get in." He lifts me over the tub, and I sink into the water.
I can't look at him, but I need him. I scoot up and wait with my head down.
He doesn't ask, just seems to realize what I want from him. His body slides behind mine, and he wraps his arms around me. "You don't need to be submissive when we're alone, Emilia."
"Don't I?"
In a firm voice, he says, "No, you don't." He tightens his arms around me. "This is us. No one else."
I sob. Not about being submissive or from what happened but because I missed his arms around me. And I don't know what us is anymore. I barely get out, "I missed you."
The heat of his cheek is heaven. I wish he would scrape his stubble on me. I need something to take me out of the haze I feel I'm in.
He pretzels his legs around mine. "You're all I thought of."
