Page 91 of Stains of Desire
16
Axel
I haveArnica in my first aid kit and rub it over her bruises when we get off the jet ski.
I shouldn't have marked her last night.
She wanted it.
I had to have been too rough.
Her bruises were tiny this morning.
It's still my fault.
We walk several miles south. The deserted beach has barely anything on it, except vegetation and sand. I hope we haven't already passed Omoa. Penelope's banged-up skin is all I can see. There's a resort barely visible, but her growing black, blue, and red marks are imprinted in my mind.
The bruises I left on her weren't any bigger than my mouth. But as the day has passed, they've blanketed her thighs, becoming one grotesque wound.
And now she thinks any pain is okay to get her mind off Millie.
Sexual pain to drive pleasure is one thing. And only if she wants it and enjoys it. I don't want her to think anything that hurts her is okay.
It's not.
I'm scared she may think it is.
She's never experienced what we do sexually before. I know it. I can see it in her innocent eyes without asking her. I'm pretty sure she had nice, proper sex with Millie's father and any guy before him. I cringe thinking about what William put her through, but from what she's told me, he's just all about himself.
Everything I do is to heighten her pleasure. If she didn't want it, I wouldn't do it. But I fear I've taken it too far. And she's so distraught over Millie, I don't want her to confuse our intimacy with things that cause her harm.
I'm beating myself up when she stops and tugs on my arm. "Axel."
I turn. "Hmm?"
She's wearing my T-shirt over her bathing suit. It hangs loose, and the neck falls over one shoulder. She slides her hands up my bare chest.
I circle my arms around her.
"Are you going to worry all day about me?"
"Yes. You're injured. I played a role in it."
She tilts her head. "Does what I need not matter anymore?"
"Why would you ask that? Of course it does."
"Everything you did, I needed. Everything about you, I crave. The rough water and bouncing from the jet ski aren't your fault. It would have happened regardless. I bruise easily."
My jaw twitches. "You're mine to protect and take care of."
"When haven't you? Hmm?"
I stare at the turquoise waves, angry with myself for introducing her to a world I fear she may now create an addiction around. Replacing her pain over Millie with what I can control is one thing, but her relaxed attitude about getting hurt on the jet ski bothers me.
"Axel—"
"I'm worried you're going to start doing anything you can to mask the pain in your heart about Millie. You got beaten up out there, and besides one ouch, you didn't say anything to me. I could have come closer to shore, and we would have dealt with the trash. But you didn't. You let yourself get battered, and I don't want you to confuse what we do with general pain."
