Page 144 of Stains of Desire
25
Penelope
Grief shatters me.I can't seem to pull it together. The flight takes close to thirteen hours, and the entire time, William barks at me to stop crying.
But I've lost all ability to control any of my emotions. Seeing Millie mirrored my dreams. She's aged since I last saw her, and nothing about my dream isn't the same as the video.
I plead with William to let me see it again, but he won't. I beg him to tell me where she is.
"Since you can't stop behaving this way, you'll never see her again," he screams at me, halfway through the flight.
It shreds my soul. And Axel is dead.
I thought my pain couldn't crush me any deeper than losing Millie. And even though it's been almost two years since I've seen her, I held hope she would be rescued.
Every bit of my faith is now gone. Axel's death is a knife dicing my already sliced-up heart. And the new reality of never again seeing the two people I love is too much.
I'm hysterical, and William's shouting for me to stop only makes me sob harder.
When we land in Panama, he yanks me off the plane and toward the private car waiting on the tarmac. I hardly feel the pain of his grip on my biceps until he presses on a bruise Axel gave me during sex. When the sharp sting soars through me, I lose the ability to hold myself up. My knees buckle, and William drags me across the pavement and pushes me in the car.
I don't hear him screaming in my face, or feel his spit on my cheeks. Blood soaks through my pants, but nothing registers. I'm in a trance of misery, and nothing matters anymore.
We pull up to the embassy. William roughly maneuvers me through the building and into his apartment.
I'm back in prison.
The parquet floor, brown leather furniture, and tan walls I never wanted to see again. My sorrow turns to rage, and I snap. I beat at William's chest and try to slap him, frantically screaming how much I hate him. He drags me by the hair down the hall and throws me in a bedroom and locks it.
I try to get out, but there is no use. When I turn, it hits me. I'm in Millie's old room. But he's taken everything away. It's as if she was never here. No trace of her exists.
The dark hole Axel kept me from falling into, the one I've struggled to stay out of, sucks me into the depths of its abyss.
I want my daughter. I want Axel's arms around me. I want the life we should all have together.
Days pass. Food is brought in by the maid on trays, but I eat nothing. William comes in and yells at me, but I don't care anymore. I refuse to do anything he tells me and ignore him, not even responding when he grips my chin and sends the same pain through my neck he created in the cell in London.
Shortly after, a team of men come into the room. I try to fight them, but they hold me to the bed and strap me in it. I can't move. I scream, and they stab me with a needle. Within seconds, everything becomes blurry and then dark.
I dream of Millie in the snow then on the beach with Julieta and Zoe. I feel Axel's arms around me. He murmurs in my ear, "I need you to come back to me, green eyes. I can't do this without you."
"She's never coming back to me. I don't know what to do to get her. And I can't go on without you." I sob.
"I'm here. You're stronger than you think. Millie needs you to be strong."
"I'm not strong. I'm powerless."
He holds my cheeks. "No. You aren't. Wake up, green eyes. Rest. Eat. Hydrate. I need you with me."
"But you're gone."
"No. I'm not. I'm getting Millie and then you."
"What?"
"I'm coming for you both."He kisses me, and it's so real when I wake up, I still feel his arms around me.
The door opens. There's no light in the room, except that from the hallway. A woman approaches my bed, and I realize it's the maid.
