Page 15 of Stains of Desire
"Can you stop? Please," she begs.
"Okay." Zoe and I exchange a glance, and we finish cleaning up. When we get back to the pit, we press Julieta further, but she refuses to discuss anything.
They make Zoe sing every night. During the day, she tries to do voice exercises to keep it strong, but she is worried her voice will be injured forever. At night, her songs echo through the jungle, and Julieta and I sit in the dark, listening and talking.
Several times, I break down crying about Millie. I miss her so much. I don't know how long I've been with Santiago and his men. Julieta tells me the date she was abducted, and I lose it. Millie is five and I've missed her birthday. Julieta has been in the hole for months, so that means I've missed more than a year of her life.
Santiago isn't at the camp. So I can't even get updates about Millie, which is what he would do from time to time to reinforce my role.
At times, I lose faith I will ever see her again. But then I remind myself that she is out there. She has to be. I dream of her at night. She's cold, and there's snow all around her, but she's alive. And she calls out, "Mummy."
One day, a woman named Vanessa is brought to camp. Her fiancé is a prominent cabinet member in Belize and a global leader. Santiago arrives that night, but instead of me having to eat with him, he makes Vanessa.
About a week later, an investigative reporter from Belize named Naomi climbs down the ladder into the hole. Instead of coming back after they came to get her, her younger sister, Emilia, is sent down. She's distraught and cries out, "My sister, Naomi, is with Santiago."
I tug her into my arms. "Shh. She'll be okay."
She shakes, and I try to calm her, but all I can think is, Will it ever be okay again?
