Page 75 of Stains of Desire
13
Penelope
"Mummy,"Millie cries and reaches out. But I can't get to her. Her green eyes are wet. Huge tears fall over her freckles.
"Millie," I yell. I'm only twenty feet from her, and I try to get to her, but I can't.
Coldness chills my bones. We're suddenly standing in a pile of snow. Her cheeks are red, and her red hair peeks out of a purple knit hat. And she appears older than when I last saw her. The chubbiness in her face is almost gone, her red hair is longer and thicker, and she's taller.
"Mummy!"
"Millie!"
I try to run, but my feet won't move.
A woman who I don't recognize picks her up. I can't see her face, only her back. She's wearing a puffy black coat and a black hat and gloves. Her straight brown hair hits just below her shoulder. "Shh. Mummy is here," she says in a Spanish accent.
"Millie!" I keep trying to move, but I can't and fall into the wet snow.
Millie's eyes peek over her shoulder, and they lock onto mine. She screams, "I want my mummy!"
"I'm here, baby." I reach for her, but my legs are paralyzed.
"Shh," the woman says and puts more distance between us.
"No! Give me my daughter," I scream, but she never turns, just keeps trudging through the deep snow as Millie stares, crying out for me.
They get farther and farther away, until I no longer see them but can still hear Millie's voice. I crumple into the snow. Pain sears through every part of me, and my body convulses.
"Green eyes, wake up," Axel's deep voice calls to me.
But I don't see him. There's only snow, the woman's footprints in front of me, and Millie's screams competing with Axel telling me to wake up.
It goes on and on. When I finally open my eyes, I'm drenched in sweat but chills rack my body. Axel's arms are around me. He palms my head against his chest.
My sobs are hysterical. I can't seem to end the emotional distress, and all I see and hear is Millie.
It's the first dream I've had where she doesn't look exactly like when I last held her. And the grief of not knowing where she is and that I've missed out on eighteen months of her life hits me in a new wave of cruel reality.
"She's older," I cry. "In snow...another woman is telling her she's her mummy."
Axel tightens his embrace. "Shh. I'll find her. She will know who you are, I promise."
I cry for hours, unable to stop, with my mind spinning over where she could be and who the woman is. But I have no answer.
When I can't cry anymore and am sniffling in Axel's arms, I finally lift my head. "How are we going to find her?"
He pushes my sweat-soaked hair behind my ear. "I will track and rescue her. I promise you."
"I need to go back to Santiago. They know where she is."
"No. We've been through this. I will get you to safety, and I'll have resources to find her."
"Like what?"
"Equipment. Contacts I've met. The other guys. I need you to trust me, but you are not going back to Santiago."
I close my eyes, and another tidal wave of sorrow hits me, and I whisper, "I need her back. I can't keep living without her."
