Page 50 of Stains of Desire
9
Penelope
Axel'sheady looks don't change. Whether we're around the others or by ourselves, his attention on me never ceases. He doesn't ever say anything inappropriate loud enough for anyone else to hear. But the expression in his eyes, the one that makes me feel like he's a hungry animal and I'm his prey, never goes away.
He says things, and I blush. The dirtier he talks, the more my body throbs. It throws me for a loop.
Oliver never talked dirty to me. If I had to classify him, he'd be considered a posh Londoner, which meant he was a proper and polite Englishman. He would find everything Axel says to me inappropriate and against his code of gentlemen's etiquette.
Oliver and I had fun in bed. We had passion and great sex. I loved him and everything about our intimacy.
But Axel's ravenous focus on me and statements about how we're going to be together and what he's going to do to me make me question if I really do know what great sex is.
Can he really be that good?
Can we be that good?
I wonder how I can react the way I do to Axel when William used to talk dirty and command me in the bedroom. Every minute of it, I hated. When he spoke, I felt like a cheap whore. When I complied with his demands, any self-respect I had left disappeared and was replaced by self-loathing.
When Axel murmurs his dirty words, it sparks flames in my belly. He makes me feel special. My body is drawn to him. He states things as facts. There's no room in anything he says to doubt he's going to do exactly what he wants with me unless I say stop or no.
Hell would freeze over before I invoke that power.
Maybe I'm more screwed up than I thought.
In the last few years, men controlled every move of mine. No one touched me for eighteen months when I was with Santiago. But for several years, I was William's property.
I should want total freedom in everything I do, but the more Axel's filthy mouth promises me sexual acts, the more I crave him.
The orgasm in the river barely soothed my ache for him. I saw the carnal desire in his dark eyes become more potent as I got off. His erection was hard, and I desperately wanted it in me.
But I shouldn't be doing any of this. Millie is out there. I feel guilty for experiencing any pleasure, or thinking about anyone, except her. And I've never done anything in public before. The rocks shielded us, but people weren't far away.
I could have said no or stop. He would have put a halt to our encounter right away. I could have not done what he told me to do.
That's a lie.
No matter what he tells me to do, I'll do it. It makes no sense. I should run from another man trying to control any part of my life. But the deep ache in my core only wants every command he gives me. And something about his filthy mouth creates lava in my veins.
When we get back on shore, all the guys have towels. Axel keeps me off to the side, diligently dries my legs, then himself. He steps forward so his torso full of muscle is almost touching me. His fingers graze on the bottom of my shirt, slipping underneath, and buzzing along my skin.
I glance up.
"Get changed as soon as we get back so the bugs don't bite you. Keep this towel around you while we go through the woods." He wraps it back around me.
"Okay."
"As soon as I talk to the guys, I'll tell you what's going on."
"Thank you."
He scans the front of my body, and his lips twitch. "What's the real reason you wore the T-shirt?"
I force a smile. "The sun. Are you ready?"
His eyes get smaller.
He knows I'm lying.
