Page 62 of Haze of Obedience
"You’re not going to kill anything?" I tease, but it feels off.
"Not this time," he quietly replies and sits.
We eat in uncomfortable silence. The entire time, I want to scoot closer to him, tell him I'm the world's biggest idiot and explain how I'm messed up and scared.
But I don't.
My self-preservation won't allow me. There are lots of men who have legitimately hurt me sexually and verbally. But Dirk has the ability to affect me how I’ve not let others.
He's too real...an epitome of perfection. And it's not just his ripped body or sexy hero status. It's him. Who he is. What he stands for. What he's personally risking just to make sure I'm okay.
If I had never changed managers and gotten involved with the Global Leaders, I wouldn't hesitate to be with him. But I'm not the same girl I used to be. The sexual and verbal abuse I've learned to take. The Global Leaders have conditioned me to it, I suppose.
Dirk could rip me up and spit me out emotionally, and I don't think I would survive it.
So I eat my portion of food, drink the water he gives me, and stay in the safe zone instead of telling Dirk how I feel about him. When it comes time to get up, he takes my hands and helps me off the ground.
As soon as I'm on my feet, he releases me, and the drop in my gut resumes.
He digs in his bag and hands me a slippery elm. "Here. Take this for your throat."
"Thanks."
We walk all day, on and off, following the river, not saying too much. Towards nighttime, a bad storm hits, and we get soaked. Dirk tries to shield me with his body, but it's pointless.
Lightning streaks through the sky, and I think I must be seeing things. "Is that a parking lot?" I yell.
Dirk takes my hand, and we trot over to several vehicles. He tries several, and the passenger door for a dark SUV finally opens. "Get in," he instructs.
I get in and unlock the driver's door.
Within minutes he hotwires the vehicle, and we drive away. We pass a small sign and building.
"Who would have thought there would be a jungle lodge in the middle of nowhere."
"We just got really lucky," he says.
"Do you think they will notice this missing?"
"Hopefully, not until tomorrow."
"Do you have a lot of experience stealing cars?" I tease.
He snorts. "Nope."
"Well, you could have fooled me."
He smiles. It's the first one he's given me all day and my heart pitter-patters.
We drive for a few hours on a two trek path until the rain comes down harder, and the wipers don't seem to help.
Dirk stops the car. It's pitch black now except for the lightning that constantly streaks through the sky.
"Zoe, you're shaking."
"I'm okay. It's just from my soaked clothes."
He touches my face and mutters, "You have chattering teeth and purple lips."
