Page 150 of Haze of Obedience
My stomach sinks. "Where am I going?"
"Jonas is at the hotel. It's time you got reacquainted."
Bile rises in my throat. "Please. I'll write more. Don't make me go."
"You have no choice. Stop making it harder than it has to be. One hour Zoe. Don't be late." He drops another container on the table and leaves.
There have been eleven boxes of drugs I've washed down the sink. Each time, it seemed to get a little easier. Tonight, I struggle.
The notion of being back with Jonas is too much to bear. Chills run down my spine at the thought of his touch.
I weaken.
I need a bump, or I won't survive.
With a shaking hand, I pick up the metal cylinder. I open the lid, stir the straw in it, and the devil on my shoulder tells me one hit is what I need.
The devil fights with my conscience.
I pick some up with my two fingers and watch the dust fall. The knot that forms in my throat grows, and I close my eyes, swallow it, and when I open my lids, something else catches my eye—the steak knives.
Clutching the metal tube with one hand, I pick up the box with the other. I take them to the counter and set everything down. Then I pull out a knife and set it next to the two items.
What don't you ever do, Zoe? Dirk's voice says in my head.
Hesitate.
Everything becomes clear. And one thing I can't be tonight is high.
I dump the cocaine down the sink then wash it off my fingers and the sides of the box.
There's a sharpener on the side of the cutlery box, and I take the paring knife out and sharpen it. When I rub my finger over the blade and am convinced it's sharp enough, I take it to the bedroom and put it in my evening purse.
I put effort into how I look, knowing that Jonas will demand it, and the better I look, the more relaxed he will be. Instead of wearing my hair down, I wear it up in a slick french twist, so no pieces hang loose.
But I won't let him have his way with me again. I'm going to die tonight or he will. No man will lay another hand on me ever again unless I choose to have his hand on my body.
And the only person I choose is Dirk.
But he's gone.
Is he?
Stop thinking about him right now. You need to concentrate.
When the hour hits, I double-check the knife is in my purse and put a long coat over my dress. It's not that cold out, but it isn't thick, so it won't look too out of place.
Mateo is in the car when I get in. He checks me out and smiles for the first time since I returned. "Glad to see you still remember how to fix yourself up."
"He's at the Belizean embassy hotel?"
"Yes."
They won't alert the authorities if he's dead in the room. All of Belize would be furious if a drug lord were in the embassy.
Can I really do this?
You have no choice. It's him or you.
