Page 94 of Haze of Obedience
15
Dirk
If I could sacrificesomething to take away one morsel of her pain, I would. Instead, all I feel is useless. I don't know how to help her or stop the bleeding.
Zoe finally fell asleep. I want to keep her in my arms forever then forget about the rest of the world and the current situation we're in. But that isn't reality.
And I can't even control myself around her. One kiss, and I'm hard as a rock as if I'm a teenager in high school again instead of a forty-two-year-old man.
I promised myself I wouldn't put her in any sexual position, and then I kissed her on the beach. And after she bared her soul to me, I kissed her again, and my body just reacted to hers.
For hours, I curse myself. Zoe Diego has always been the hottest woman on Earth. Anytime I've seen her on-screen or in concert, she's created chaos in my body. But now she's real, not just a superstar I admire from afar. She's a thousand times more intoxicating in person. But her pain is raw, and I'm doing a horrible job giving her any comfort.
And you insulted her and tried to hide all the alcohol bottles. She thinks you don't trust her. I curse myself further.
Our conversation replays all night in my mind, and I make mental notes of what I can teach her so she feels like she can defend herself. I wish she wouldn't worry about going back to the Global Leaders. I will die before I let anyone take her back.
The only way she's going to feel better is if you teach her.
It wouldn't be bad for her to know some things anyways. She gets mobbed by fans all the time.
She can't be killing them.
As I watch her sleep, I'm torn. I imagine my Little Diva having to protect herself against any man, and my gut churns so fast I have to swallow down bile. The vision of her with blood on her hands, then having to deal with the consequences of killing someone doesn't calm it.
My entire adult life, I've killed evil men. It's part of my baggage. The first one was the hardest to swallow. After so many, it got easier. Now, it's like second nature. Tell me who the bastard is, and I'm ready. However, that doesn't mean I'm immune to it, or my actions don't sometimes haunt me.
Zoe's life may be public, but the real Zoe, the one I've gotten to see these last few days, I'm not sure if she can handle it. She's already dealing with enough demons, and I don't want to give her another one. But I also want her to feel empowered. Should anyone ever dare lay a hand on her again, I want her to know how to defend herself.
No one will touch her. I won't let them.
When this is over, she might not choose me. If she decides she doesn't want me, I’m going to have to let her go. I won't be able to protect her then.
The possibility rips through my core. I don't want to think about Zoe not wanting me when this is over, but it's probably going to happen. She's a goddess who can have any man she wants. I'm not in her world. Mine's so far away from what she's used to, she'd probably run the minute she stepped into it.
The clock next to the bed reads 4:15 a.m.
Time to get up.
"Zoe," I murmur and kiss her head. "Time to get up."
She stirs and turns into me. Her lids are barely open. "Mmm."
I stroke her hair. "We have to get moving."
"Mm-hmm." She reaches up with both hands and glides her fingers in my hair. Her body pushes against mine, and she pulls my head down to her lips.
Like always, I fall into her kiss, consumed by the heat she sets off in me. Within seconds her body is on top of mine. Her already wet sex teases my cock that's been aching all night.
In Spanish, she murmurs, "I could smell you all day."
My eyelids fly open. That's what she said the other morning when she wasn't fully awake.
I stop the kiss. "Wake up, my Little Diva."
"I am." She still doesn't open her eyes fully and moves her hips, inching on my erection and crushing her lips back to mine.
I hold her hips firm so she can't sink anymore.
