Page 161 of Marks of Rebellion
We speed into our high, clutching the other, the ocean air swirling around us.
I may not be the person I used to be or know how to find her, but I have him back. His love for me saved me, and hope overflows that I will show him that woman someday.
He deserves to know the woman I was before Carlos.
"I'm going to get better for you," I blurt out.
He lifts his head off my chest. "No, Flower. You're going to heal for you."
"I want you to know who I used to be. You deserve that."
He strokes my cheek. "Listen to me closely."
Silence.
"Are you listening?"
"Yeah."
"You have to give yourself time to heal. But you're still you. I already know that woman. She's you. No matter how many attacks or nightmares you have, it doesn't change who you are."
"It does. It has."
"No. I don't believe that. I've seen too much of you."
"The 'I can't breathe' or 'All I do is cry' girl?"
"No. The 'lick a banana like a porn star, adrenaline junkie, dirty Portuguese speaking, put me in my place when I'm wrong' girl."
"You really like the dirty Portuguese talk, don't you?"
He grins and wiggles his eyebrows. "Yes. And that's my point. I know who you are. You're the woman I fell in love with. And do you have some things you're struggling with? Yeah, you do. But with everything they put you through, you're lucky you're not in a mental hospital. So I think you should cut yourself some slack."
My hand flies to my mouth.
"What did I say?"
"I haven't told you why you didn't see me the first month they took me."
"Tell me, then."
"They had me in a straitjacket."
Anger flares in his face. "What?"
"Yeah. And when they let me out, they threatened to send me to an asylum for the rest of my life."
He tightens his arms around me and guilt crosses his face. "I'm so sorry I didn't figure out a way to get you sooner. Every day I tried to figure it out. I swear, I did."
"I know that. It's not your fault. But I never want to be in one of those again. I was so scared they were going to keep me in it forever."
He kisses my head. "Flower, you need rest. What you've gone through, no one should ever have to endure. So no matter how much time it takes, or whatever it is you need to heal, I'm going to make sure you get it."
"I just want to be normal again."
"There's no such thing as normal. We all go through different seasons in life."
"You sound very wise, Mr. Ward."
