Page 35 of Sins of the Father

And maybe we are. But everything about his touch feels right.

He guides me to my seat, which is across the aisle from where he will sit. I reluctantly let go of his arm. Anna is in the row behind me with Mitch. She looks upset.

I lean in to hug her. “You okay?” I quietly ask in her ear.

“Mm-hmm,” she says and has a smile on her face when I pull back, but something is wrong.

“Hey, Mitch.”

He says nothing and nods at me with pursed lips.

Jackass.

She can do so much better.

I turn toward my brother. Jamie is beaming, and I’ve never seen him so happy. And if anyone deserves their happily ever after, it’s him and Quinn.

When the music starts, and everyone stands and turns, all eyes are on the bride, but I can’t take mine off Steven.

As soon as he hands Quinn off, my brother cups her face and kisses her. The guests all cheer, but the bride and groom’s eyes never leave the other. In their vows, they each promise to always make the other their number one priority and love each other above all else, more than paper.

Tears stream down my face, and I have no tissues to wipe them away with. It’s beautiful and real and unconditional. They are fully devoted to each other.

And as happy as I am for them, the sting of my failed marriage rears its ugly head.

I never had a love more than paper. And it hits me hard how badly I want it. But I don’t know if I’ll ever find it. I thought on my wedding day, Ian and I had it, but I discovered he began cheating on me within the first month of our marriage.

It makes me question if it’s him or me.

Is he just incapable of real love, or am I not worthy of being loved?

It’s not the first time I’ve asked myself this, but it’s the only time I’ve questioned things in public.

When the ceremony is over, and Quinn and Jamison walk down the aisle, I’m a silent mess. My parents step out of the row, and when I follow, Steven moves next to me, hands me his handkerchief out of his coat pocket, and puts his hand on my back. I don’t dare glance up at him. I’m afraid all my thoughts will come to light, and everyone around me, including him, will know my greatest fear, that it’s me; that I am the unlovable one.

When we get outside to the reception area, Steven leads me to a standing table as far away from the crowd as possible.

“Sorry, I think I ruined your handkerchief.”

He smiles. “Weddings will do that.”

I sniffle. “Yeah. I probably look a mess right now.”

“No, you look beautiful.” He says it with so much finality, I almost believe him.

Silence.

“I’m sorry about the car ride,” he blurts.

“You don’t need to be sorry. I’m sure you have your reasons for how you feel.”

A line forms between his eyes, and he opens his mouth but shuts it quickly.

I put my hand on his arm. “It’s okay. Really. It was actually pretty awesome to watch Quinn throw a Cartier box out the window.”

A smile grows on his lips. “Yeah, she handled it way better than I did.”

I hesitate but ask, “Does your mom get along with your father? Sorry, I mean, sperm donor?”

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