Page 76 of Toxic

"Well, you aren't very convincing right now."

I stare at the wall, shaking my head, reminding myself to be patient with Bridget. After all, it's my fault she doesn't trust me. But I'm not a patient man. Any patience I do have is already wearing thin.

"I have to go. I'll talk to you later," she says.

"Sure." I hang up and go back into the gym. Between the issues at the port, Papà's unwillingness to let Gianni and me handle it, and Bridget's inability to let the past go, no amount of working out will let me escape from my thoughts.

All I keep circling back to is that everything in my life should be moving in the right direction now that Bridget is in it again. Yet, I can't shake the feeling that I'm further away from making her mine than the night I took her out of the club.

The worst part of that feeling is I'm unsure what I can do about it.

15

Bridget

Several Weeks Later

Cowardice issomething I didn't used to know. Now that the O'Malleys are back in my children's lives, I'm officially the biggest coward on Earth. It's not something I'm proud of, and it mixes with my fears. I'm afraid I'll blurt something out about Sean's murder, or why I told my kids lies about the O'Malleys and kept them from them. I straighten my shoulders and look my father in the eyes, insisting, "I'm not going to the Marinos' party."

Dad's eyes turn to dark-green slits. His voice is firm. "This isn't negotiable, Bridget."

"I'm in my forties. You can't order me around," I state, but I'm aware my time is up. Things with Sean and Fiona are still tense and haven't returned to normal. Sean made comments under his breath about me not having the guts to come to the party. Every time he says something, I die a little more inside, partly because I don't know how I will ever look his father's siblings and cousins in the face again. The shame of what I've done has only seemed to intensify since the truth came out. But deep down, I realize that the longer I don't face the music with the O'Malleys, the worse it will get with Sean and Fiona.

My father shakes his head and lowers his voice. "It's Thanksgiving. I should never have allowed you to avoid the Marino parties. Now that the O'Malleys are in town and the kids see them again, your presence is required. If you don't attend, things with Sean are going to get worse, and you know it."

"Thanks to you," I snap, still unable to forgive my dad for making decisions on my children's behalf without my permission. I've contained the kids' visits with the O'Malleys to our house or the Marinos', yet that's coming to an end. Sean and Fiona informed me they made plans to spend time in the city with the O'Malleys over the holiday weekend, and I don't know how to stop it.

Time isn't making my fear of the Baileys or Rossis coming after my kids any less. Every day, I feel like I'm about to spin out. Keeping it together is getting harder the more my children avoid me or video chat or speak with the O'Malleys. This upcoming weekend is a dark cloud hanging over my head. I've had several panic attacks. The only thing I'm grateful for is that they've been in private.

"You're going to need to get over this," Dad asserts.

I cross my arms and stare out the window, taking in the last of the autumn colors. Most of the leaves have blown off the trees, and snow will soon arrive. Everything looks cold and bare, amplifying how I feel.

Dad says, "It's time to return to normal life. Our life involves parties at the Marinos'. And now that you're spending time with Dante, I would think you would want to attend."

My insides flip. I blurt out, "Dante has nothing to do with this issue. Besides, we're just friends, and you know this."

Dad snorts. "Sure."

I hate his sarcasm and the fact he seems to know I'm lying. The last thing I want is anyone to know I'm doing anything with Dante. I've even cooled it way off. I've only seen him twice the last few weeks, even though he's tried to see me more, and I felt tempted to give in to his requests.

"You aren't supposed to live alone, Bridget. I don't believe Sean would have wanted that," Dad claims.

I blink hard, swallowing the emotions that crawl up every time I think about if Sean would be okay with me being with Dante. The truth is, I'm unsure what he would think. Would he be okay with it, knowing our history? Or would it anger him? In Sean's eyes, would it somehow stain the love we had? Would he think I never got over Dante and truly loved him?

Answers never appear to the constant guilt and questions that plague me. It's like I'm trapped, and I can't find the door to get out. And every time Dante proclaims he's changed and he wants a life with me, I feel that trap squeezing me tighter.

"I think we're finished here," I reply then avoid my father's gaze. I leave his office and catch Fiona at the top of the stairs with her boyfriend, Jeremy. He's a senior, the captain of the football team, and does well in school. He's always been polite and seems like a good kid. Fiona is crazy about him. But everything about seeing them at the top of the landing, moving toward her room, creates another panic in me.

I race up the stairs, fling open her door, and catch him kissing her. "Time to go downstairs."

Fiona spins, glaring at me with heated cheeks. "Mom!"

"Jeremy, you're welcome to come to our home anytime, but Fiona's bedroom and the upstairs are off-limits."

"Mom! Don't be so old school."

I point at the door. "Both of you. Out."

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