Page 43 of Toxic

The self-loathing that fills her eyes takes the air out of my lungs. She quietly states, "No. You don't. If you did, you wouldn't be here."

"There's nothing you could ever do that would make me feel that way."

"Why? How can you lie here and say that?"

I finally just blurt it out. "You know why."

The truth hangs between us, filling the air with tension, making my pulse increase.

"I loved Sean. I still do," she whispers through her tears.

I sniff hard, and my chest pushes against her stiff nipples. And everything is so ironic. I'm here, naked, with the only woman I've ever wanted, yet she still doesn't want me. She'llneverwant me. I can't even blame her for it. She had a man who, from day one, cherished her instead of fucking with her head the way I did. So I confess, "I know you do. And as much as I tried to hate him, I didn't. He was a good man. Much better than me."

She places a shaking hand on my cheek, gazing at me with eyes that no longer have light in them. She chokes, "I miss him. So much."

A lump grows in my throat, suffocating me. I tell myself to roll off of her and just be her friend.

But I can't move. I stay frozen, except for my heart that beats so violently it wants to escape my chest.

More tears fall down her cheeks. "I'm so tired of feeling dead."

It makes everything explode exponentially around us. The pain in her expression tugs at every emotion I have. The desire I have for her, that I can't seem to escape, burns hotter, mixing with the electric air around us.

My lips brush against hers as I say, "You aren't dead, dolcezza."

Her warm breath hits mine, and it's like breathing tingles into every cell in my body. Her fingers slide through the back of my hair.

I attempt to ignore the part of me that's trying to be a stand-up guy.

But that's the thing. I've never been a stand-up guy. I take what I want, and for too long, I've only wanted her.

Eyes locked, hearts beating, and skin growing warmer by the second, I lose my ability to hold back.

Our mouths are already touching. I slide my tongue along her lips, slowly tasting her. Warm whiskey mixes with a cool sensation from the mint, intoxicating me further.

She inhales sharply. Her body trembles beneath mine in small shudders, but her hand grips my hair tighter. Then she opens her mouth. Her tongue explores mine, cautiously, until the man that I am, the one who dominates and demands, takes over.

My arms slide under her. I wrap her hair around my fist, and her eyes widen. A hurricane whirls around us, drenching us in an ocean of the past, present, and future.

Everything I remember about kissing Bridget O'Connor becomes a reality once more.

Except this time, we aren't kids. I'm not going to create false promises or walk out of this room and choose another woman, to save face. And I'm not foolish enough to think I might ever get this chance again.

So, unlike with all the women I've had over the last twenty-four years, I fully give in to our kisses, putting everything I have into it instead of holding back and going through the motions to get what I think I need in the moment.

For the first time ever, it's not about me.

It's about her.

My tongue darts in and out of her mouth, hungry. So fucking hungry for everything I've not had since that day in the closet. And desperate to somehow fix all of her problems through my body, which isn't logical, but I've never had common sense around her.

She whimpers into my mouth. One of her hands grabs my ass, and zings run up my spine. Her legs widen and hips lift, but I do the opposite of what I usually would.

Instead of sliding into her and taking what I need, I tug her head back and suck on her neck, then murmur in her ear, "You aren't dead, Bridge. Your light's still in there. If I have to spend every second of the rest of my life finding it and bringing it back to the surface, I will."

She freezes and takes a shaky breath.

I drag my teeth down her neck and suck on her pulse then slide my tongue down her chest until my mouth is covering as much of her breast as possible. I dip my other hand lower and glide a finger through her wet heat.

---