Page 30 of Toxic

It's then I feel her hand on my shoulders. Bridget's voice, full of anguish, softly says, "Dante."

I close my eyes, fighting demons rising so furious in me, I'm scared to turn around.

She cautiously steps in front of me, with her eyes glistening a brilliant green. Her lips quiver, and I hate myself more than I ever have.

All I want to do is kiss her. My mother just keeled over from a fucking heart attack, and all I can think about is how Bridget is supposed to be mine.

"Dante." She reaches for my cheek, and her tears spill.

I close my eyes. "You need to go, Bridget."

"I don't think you should be by yourself right now."

I squeeze my lids tighter, my insides trembling so hard, I feel like I'm going to explode. I grind my molars then seethe, "Go away, Bridget."

She doesn't move. Her hand stays on my cheek, and for a moment, I lean into it. But then I remember who she belongs to.

It's not me.

My eyelids fling open. I bark, "Get out of here!"

"But—"

"Leave before I do something I'll regret, Bridget!"

Her eyes widen, and she gasps while removing her hand.

And I feel lost from that action. So fucking lost, the world collapses around me, and I don't think it'll ever return to normal.

I try to swallow the golf ball of emotion in my throat, but my mouth is so dry it hurts. Staring at Bridget as she hesitates about what to do, full of concern for me, only makes the pain of losing my mother mix with the ache I thought I buried long ago.

There are only three women I've ever loved—my mother, Arianna, and Bridget. And having her look me in the face while knowing I can't have her seems extra cruel right now. I'll never see my mamma again, yet Bridget is right in front of me, and I still can't love her how I want to. It's another punch to the gut, knocking the wind out of me.

"Leave," I repeat then turn away from her.

"I'm here if you need anything," she softly says then walks away. Her heels click on the tile in the hallway. It's only when I can't hear them anymore that I lose my shit.

6

Bridget

Five Years Later

"Ashes to ashes, dust to dust,"Father Antonio says.

The wind whips so hard, it almost knocks me backward into my dad's large frame. I internally wince from the bruises on the back of my body, which haven't healed. It's something I've learned to deal with the last few days.

Fiona and Sean Jr. are in front of me, sobbing. I'm shaking, full of grief and fear. It never seems to stop. The last week, while all my worst fears played out in front of me, it's like I've been on the edge of a cliff, waiting to fall and crash onto rocks. I'm trying my hardest to be strong for my kids, but there's nothing left to hang on to.

One wrong move, and any chance they have of a normal life will be gone.

Lightning streaks across the sky and thunder booms loud as the coffin is lowered into the ground. There's only one body part in it.

Sean's hand.

Rain suddenly pours out of the sky, hitting my face. I close my eyes, wishing the pain would go away, praying for some miracle that this is a nightmare and I'm going to wake up in Sean's arms.

But it's not. I won't ever feel them around me again. I'll never hear his laugh or see his smile. My children will grow up without the best father they could have ever had.

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