Page 45 of Tangled Up

“What!” She falls back on her heels on the couch. “Which dating app are you on?”

“Hookup for Love dot com.”

“Ew.” Jess wrinkles her nose, frowning. “That’s a total hookup site.”

“Hence the name.”

“What the hell are you doing on a site like that? I was going to set you up with something classy.”

“Are you trying to pretend all these apps aren’t hookup sites?” I push my dark hair behind my ears. “At least Hookup for Love is honest.”

“You might have a point, but at least some of the other sites have safeguards.”

“Like what?’

“Like women don’t have to provide pictures. Heck, on some you can’t even be contacted by randos. You do all the initial contacts.”

Inhaling deeply, I pull up the app on my phone and show her my profile. “I never used it anyway. I was just bored one night.”

“Give it to me.” She holds out a hand, and I pass her my phone. “Let’s see what you’ve got here. “Loves the ocean. Boring. Everybody in Florida loves the ocean.”

“Not everybody.” Beck’s dad hates the ocean, but I don’t say that out loud. I’m trying to move us away from the subject of him.

“One Direction!” she cries. “You did not put on here your last concert was One Direction.”

“It’s true! I helped chaperone a Girl Scouts’ trip with a friend. It was fun. Some of their songs are really catchy.”

“You might as well have put, ‘Hi, I’m Caroline. I have no personality, I never go out, and I own twenty-two cats.’”

“I don’t have any cats.”

“Thank God for that. Your profile picture would be a shot of you and all of them together. You’re a freakin’ meme.” She swipes across the screen. “I can’t believe in spite of it all, you actually have a bunch of hits.”

“Men are horndogs.” I shove a handful of popcorn into my mouth.

“Let’s see… Milton Banks. Yikes. Gold chain.”

“You know I read somewhere gold chains are coming back. And mullets. Like those ones from the mid-80s, where it’s shorter.”

“This guy has a combover. Why does he look familiar to me?”

“He probably lives in the area.”

“Well, I’m not surprised. Loves the beach and One Direction. Who says that?”

Reaching over, I take my phone out of her hand. “I don’t really care, Jess. I mean, I appreciate your concern and all, but the thought of going on a date with a stranger makes me want to drive my truck off a cliff.”

“Don’t joke like that.” She crosses herself. “I’m not letting you quit. You’re a gorgeous, smart young woman, and I won’t let you give up. You’ve got a whole life ahead of you. Don’t you want a family of your own?”

Loneliness pushes inside my chest, and I chew my lip feeling so utterly stupid. I do remember when I would dream about Beck and me living in the Pearl with all our kids. I even picked out their names.

“I do wonder sometimes if…”

She leans closer. “If?”

Pushing off the couch, I exhale a groan. “Oh, God, it’s so stupid I can’t even say it out loud.”

“Try.”

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