Page 35 of Tangled Up

“So you ghosted me? After everything we’d said and done? Do you know how devastated I was?”

Our voices are raised, and I can’t believe how fresh it all feels. The anger and resentment are palpable.

I scrub my fingers over my eyes. “I didn’t ghost you. I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t even know who I was anymore.”

“You stopped returning my texts. You didn’t answer my calls. I was miles away at school, going crazy with worry, and you stopped talking.”

“It wasn’t you. I didn’t talk to anyone.”

“I thought I was more than just anyone to you.”

“Yeah, well, so did I. I finally got my shit together, and came to find you. But you’d already found someone new.”

“That is not true.” Her eyes widen, and her finger slices through the air. “You never came to find me. You were never there!”

“I was there, and you were with him.”

“I was not with him. Tyler was a friend to me when I needed a friend. I helped him with his work because I didn’t know what else to do. It was that or curl into a ball and die.”

“You started a new life.” I remember my confusion. “Victim’s rights? Protesting outside courthouses? You were never interested in that.”

“I never was before, but I learned. He was so passionate about it. He had such a dream of changing the world for the better. I was able to forget my pain by dedicating myself to his work, by helping people.”

“You forgot so much you married him.” It’s hard for me to say it. “How is that not giving up on us?”

“You broke my fucking heart!” Her voice breaks, and her eyes are red. If she cries…

“So you cut out mine.” My fingers curl, and I want to grab her. I want to shake her for what she did to me.

Her chin drops, and she’s quiet now. “He said he needed me, and I admired him in a way that felt like something bigger than my broken heart.”

“How much bigger was his dick?”

She slaps me fast. “Fuck you for that!”

I grab her forearm, jerking her to me. “Did he fuck you better than I did? Is that why you married him?”

Tears hit her cheeks, but that old jealousy drives me. “Tyler didn’t believe in sex before marriage. He didn’t even drink alcohol. He was a Mormon.”

My grip on her arm loosens, and I shake my head. I thought I knew everything. “Jesus, Carls.” Turning to the bar, I slug my entire glass of wine before glancing over at her. “How did you ever think that was going to work? Were you planning to convert?”

“No.” She’s quiet, touching the tears from her wet cheeks. “Maybe I knew it wouldn’t work, but I was honest with him. He knew I was broken.”

“Are you saying you didn’t love him?”

“I’m saying you taught me not to trust what I thought was love. As much as we shared, it didn’t keep you and me together.” She looks away, taking another sip of wine. “I tried to love him. Six months later, he was dead.”

Shame hits me. I can’t believe I was so rough with her. I can’t believe the things I’ve said.

Closing the space between us, I gather her in my arms. “Come here.” I tuck her head under my chin and simply hold her. “I’m sorry for what I said. I wish I could erase the past.”

Her body stiffens, and she steps out of my arms shaking her head. “Our experiences make us who we are today.”

“Still, it was a shitty thing to say. I’m sorry.”

“Apology accepted.”

We’re quiet, and it’s time. I need to tell her everything, but she speaks first.

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