Page 159 of Fall into Savagery

I was alone. I didn’t think as I made my way out to the balcony.

I looked down at New York, my phone clutched in my hand.

I was nervous.

I wiped my sweaty palms on the side of my legs.

I didn’t tell anyone what I had planned to do, but now that the thought was planted in my mind, I wasalmosteager to do it.

I put the phone on call and pressed it against my ear.

The ringing sounded loud, and at one point, I didn’t know if I was hearing the erratic rate of my heart kicking up or the actual ringing of the line trying to connect.

Then a click and my stomach seemed to have plummeted down the seventy-two floors from where I was, all the way to the sidewalk below.

I held my breath when there was a brief silence between us that had felt like two eternities.

Then, “Catalina.”

He seemed to have breathed out the word.

My lips trembled.

He said my mom named me, but did he like the name? Did he feel like his heart would burst from love just from uttering out the sound, like how my mom had once told me it was for her, once upon a time?

Small tidbits of my memories with her penetrated my mind all day.

Memories of a happy childhood I had long forgotten in my instinctive need to survive, living in such a dark house with Angelo Agnello.

I opened my mouth, but nothing came out.

Where was my voice?

I closed my eyes, and the image of my mom’s wide eyes, shrouded in pain and surprise over seeing me standing there, watching as Agnello put a bullet through her, rang through my mind.

I struggled to breathe.

“It’s okay, baby. You don’t have to talk. I’m just so happy you called me. I don’t have to hear your voice.”

A loud pathetic noise came out of me. One, I didn’t recognize.

I looked around, but I was alone on the balcony.

“I’ve been thinking about you,” he said softly, letting out a wet laugh. “Not a day goes by that I don’t think about you. I hope you’re happy. And eating well. And warm at night, though it’s probably blistering hot in New York right now.”

He laughed, and I smiled as the first tear dropped and hit my thigh.

I blinked, and more tears fell.

“But I heard it could get very cold in New York during the wintertime, so when the time comes, you’ll need to take extra care. I’m sure it can be quite different from what you’re used to. It might be a good time to visit a warmer climate. Like California.”

I could hear the smile in his voice when he said the last part.

I let out a choked laugh and heard his breath catch over the line.

“Oh, baby. Do you know how good it feels to hear you laugh? I miss you. I’ve missed you my entire life. I’m so sorry Daddy wasn’t there when you needed me most. I’m so sorry I didn’t have the power to take you away from his grasp. That is my biggest regret. My biggest failure, and I will live with that forever. I hope that someday you can find it in your heart to forgive me.”

I closed my eyes. I was never angry at him.

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