Page 58 of Sweet Oblivion

She tried to keep her face relaxed, but fear darkened those beautiful violet eyes as she searched mine. I did, of course, but as I opened my mouth, the words stuck in my throat. Memories I’d never shared with Aya rushed to consume me.

“I love you, Carolina. Why can’t you just leave it at that?” Dad had growled at Mom.

Lev and I had huddled close, just inside the large glass wall, peering out onto the deck, straining to catch every word of their fight.

“See?” Lev had sneered. “He uses the words, but he doesn’t mean them.”

I’d watched him swallow another handful of pills—this time brazenly, almost begging our parents to see him, stop him.

“Because love shouldn’t involve other women!” Mom had shrieked back.

Dad had stood then, his phone falling from this lap to the flagstones below.

Lev had grunted, reaching his limit. “I’ll show that stupid fucker.” He’d darted out toward Dad’s phone. He’d grabbed it, shaking it over his head. I could still see his thin, pale arm stark against the black sky and his dark T-shirt.

“Maybe if you turned off the notifications for your fuck buddies, Mom would believe you,” he’d taunted.

Dad had whirled, eyes and mouth wide before he lunged. Lev darted away, nimble despite the drugs that caused him to sway.

“Choose,” Lev called, running down the stairs. “Do you love Mom or do you love banging lots of women? Huh? What’s it going to be, asshole?”

I’d shoved open the door Lev had slammed behind him, screaming his name. Dad’s anger had blurred the air around him as he snarled at Lev to give him back his phone. And then everything moved in slow motion…

Lev running to the end of the dock.

Lev throwing the phone.

Lev teetering.

Lev falling.

Lev gone.

“Nash?” Aya’s cool hand settled on my cheek, tugging me back to the present. “It’s okay,” she said, her mouth trembling. “I shouldn’t have pushed. I’m just glad you’re here with me.”

She kissed me, and I responded, desperate. Love was stupid, futile. It hurt. But this…what Aya and I had, it was more than love could ever be.

I just needed her to understand. But I tasted the saltiness of tears at the corners of her lips. Tears I’d made her cry.

“Are you going to find another girl on the tour?” she whispered.

I pulled back and settled her head against my chest. “I’m here with you. That’s all that matters.”

“Is it?” she asked.

“Yeah, it is.” I held her, feeling like an asshole. Why couldn’t I just say what she needed to hear?

But I couldn’t get the words to come out. I just couldn’t.

She sniffled for a while before she relaxed into sleep. I stared down at her, wishing I’d done a better job reassuring her tonight.

My phone beeped a text, then another and another.

I grabbed it, turning it to silent mode as I looked back at Aya. I sighed, my shoulders relaxing, as she slept on. I wanted to curl around her and sleep, too. It was late, and I was exhausted, but I couldn’t relax. Not here, not after what I’d done to Aya—or hadn’t done, actually.

Dried tear tracks had crusted white on her cheeks. I frowned, hovering there, wanting to do something to ease her concern, to explain. But how could I explain? Then I’d have to share the whole story, and I didn’t want that. Didn’t want to think about that.

My phone vibrated, then again and again.

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