Page 51 of Still Here Without You

“It’s amazing. Why aren’t you here?” she says, reflecting my thoughts, and then quietly adds, “I really wish you were here.”

The mood changes instantly, but I’m not going to lie and say I didn’t think that would happen. I knew it would. In front of Delilah right now is a personalized wooden box with a few essential fashion design tools. It contains a tape measure, an assortment of pencils, scissors, and a few other things that I discovered she might need with the help of Google—even something called a French curve tool. Point is, I kind of hoped for this reaction.

“I really wish I were there too,” I whisper back.

“Joel, this is perfect. Beyond perfect. I can’t believe…actually, I can believe it. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, Del. I’m glad you like it.”

“I feel awful that I didn’t send you anything.”

“I don’t need anything.” I laugh softly. It’s not a lie. I’m pretty lucky. There’s only one thing that I really want. For Delilah to come home.

“Well, just wait for your birthday.”

“I’ll count down the days.”

We’re both silent for a minute, so I break the tension the best way I know how.

“I’m curious; is any part of you disappointed that it wasn’t an actual vibrator?Anypart?”

Delilah barks out a loud laugh, and suddenly, my mood has lifted.

A few days later, Delilah texts while I’m at a low point. Lying on my bed, staring at the ceiling, has become my thing, and nothing can break me from it. Whenever my phone vibrates on the bed beside me, my eyes always flash to the screen, but I usually go back to my thoughts. In this instance, the name Del draws my attention. She’s become the only thing worth moving for.

Del: I have two hours free tomorrow. Should I visit the Louvre, Montmartre, or the Arc de Triomphe?

What? That’s not an easy question. So much to consider.

Joel: Hmmm, let me have a think

Del: Take all the time you need. x

Sitting up, I reach for my laptop and fire it up, first looking at the locations in comparison to Del’s office before researching how long you’d need at each place to actually enjoy it, and the reality of actually getting to see any of it in the two hours she has free. It’s a little while before I can give her an answer I’m happy with, but it’s still a shitty answer.

Joel: D. None of the above. You’ll need at least four hours for any of these to be enjoyable when you take public transport into consideration, but if you haven’t already been there, I found a gallery close to you that I think you’ll love

I send Delilah all the details, and she thanks me profusely, but I’m not convinced I was actually helpful until I get another text a few days later.

Del: My boss asked me to bring in something ‘typically American’ tomorrow. Long story, but I can’t think of anything in Paris that I could possibly show her

As with my first mission, I take this one just as seriously and dive into some research. I receive two more similar messages over the next week, answering Del as best I can. But when today's message comes through, I pause.

Del: Did you know it’s illegal to kiss on a train in France? Me either! Bet you can’t give me a better random fact than that

Fuck, I’m stupid. How did I not see what she’s been doing?I laugh so loud that I’m pretty sure the neighbors can hear me.Delilah fucking Campbell, you beautiful, wonderful, thoughtful pain in my ass.

Joel: I’m on to you

The three dots appear almost instantly, bringing a smile to my face.

Del: Whatever do you mean?

Laughter gone, my chest cracks as I think about what she just did for me. For someone who didn’t want a relationship because she didn’t want to worry about me back home, she sure cares a lot.

Joel: Thank you. It worked

Delilah successfully distracted me from my life, and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to explain how much that truly means to me.

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