Page 49 of Still Here Without You

“I’m sorry, this is hard on me too. I may have even broken down when ‘Here Without You’ came on while I was at work.”

“Oh shit! That song gets me every time,” I joke, sort of. That song definitely holds a deeper meaning these days.

Delilah laughs and I can picture her beautiful features as she does. “We’ve already survived a couple of months. We can do this. And you know it’s better this way. But would you prefer I’d taken a different approach?”

My heart stops as I try to decipher what that means. I'm about to ask if she means to cut ties completely, when she starts singing “Leave a Light On” by Belinda Carlisle.

I laugh out loud at her attempt to cheer me up and then bite my lip to suppress it.

“You’re a terrible singer. Lucky one of us can carry a tune if we ever do couples karaoke.”

“Well, that’s yet to be proven. I still haven’t heard you sing. And shut up, you love my voice.”

“I really do.”I love everything about you. “Never stop singing.”

Delilah breaks out into song again, pulling me from my mood. I should be spending what little time we have together in good spirits, enjoying the fact that I’m getting to talk to her. We need to get back to teasing Joel and Delilah. It’s what will get us through the next four months.

We talk for a bit longer, and despite wanting to, I don’t seem to be able to match Delilah’s energy, something she calls me out on.

“You still don’t seem yourself. Yes, I get glimpses of the playful Joel, but something feels off.”

I smile to put her at ease, hoping it comes out through my voice, but it doesn’t. “It’s just one of the subjects I’m doing. It’s pretty heavy stuff, and it’s getting to me.”

“It’s only your sophomore year. Why are they dumping the heavy stuff on you already?” Her voice rises an octave, telling me she’s worried about me.

“It’s a senior subject.”

“Then why?”

“Distraction.”

She sighs. “I’ve been trying to find distractions too. I think that’s why I’m always saying yes to everything my work asks of me.”

“But you love it, right? You shouldn’t need the distraction.”

“I do. Joel, it’s everything I hoped it would be. Well, mostly…” She pauses. I’m about to ask whatmostlymeans when she continues. “And the clothes. You should see the clothes. Not that I’ve seen them all because a lot are top secret at this stage, but the pieces I have seen are amazing.”

She sounds so happy as she speaks, and while this may not be the outlet Dylan was talking about, it definitely helps me feel a little better. For as much as I miss her, all I’ve wanted is for her to be happy.

“Anyway, we weren’t talking about me. Sorry,” she says when she’s finished talking.

“Youhappen to be my favorite subject,” I counter, making her laugh.

“You’re so full of it sometimes.”

“I know, but that wasn’t exactly a lie. If I could study you, I’d be in heaven. The curve of your ass, the freckles across your nose, the little dimples you have on your lower back”—Del’s breath hitches, and I know I could take the conversation in a certain direction, but she made it clear she doesn’t want that, so I change tack—“the way one of your breasts is significantly larger than the other…”

“What the fuck, Joel. It is not. Is it?Shit! Is it?”

I hear rustling and picture her lifting her top to check it out. And that causes a twitch in my pants, something I don’t need right now.No one to blame but myself.

“I’m kidding, Del. You can put your clothes back on.”

“What? How did you…”

“I knowyou.”

“That you do. But can we move on from discussing my flaws and back to you?”

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