Page 82 of Still Here Without You

He’s right, but talking is not going to help. Tonight was a mistake. A mistake I can’t bring myself to regret because I loved every second of it, but a mistake all the same. Joel deserves more than I can give him.

“Can I take this Uber alone?” I ask, not quite meeting his gaze.

His face contorts at my words as he shakes his head. “I’d prefer we went together—”

“No, Joel. I just need some space. Please.”

His hand gently grips my elbow, guiding me toward the car. “Just let me take you home. I won’t even get out. I—”

“She said no!” a voice booms from behind us, causing me to jump and pull away from Joel’s grasp. We both turn to see Mark walking our way. Eyes blazing, fists clenched, he’s not happy with what he perceives of our situation.

“This has nothing to do with you,” Joel huffs, trying not to raise his voice but definitely projecting his feelings toward the interruption.

“You’re on my property, harassing a young woman, so I think it does.”

Joel’s shoulders square, his face flashing with a mix of anger and hurt. When Mark takes another step toward him, I move between them, raising my hands.

“That’s not what’s happening; it’s fine.”

I feel Joel move in behind me, and when he touches me, I flinch. It’s accidental, but it’s noticeable enough that he releases his grip and whispers, “I’m sorry,” in my ear.

“How about I arrange a car for Del and you jump in that Uber,” Mark asks, but it’s not really a question.

“That’s not happening. I’m not leaving her with you. You just met.”

“It’s not your decision to make, pal.”

“Don’t fucking 'pal’ me.”

I’m getting whiplash as my head bounces back and forth between them. My stomach churns, my mind is foggy, and I need to go home.

“Stop! Both of you,” I yell, getting their attention. “Joel, you take the Uber. Mark, get me a car. I just want to go home.”

I know I’ve hurt Joel. I see the pain all over his face, right before it morphs to anger.

“Del, think about this.”

“Just leave, Joel.”

“I can’t do this anymore. You either forgive me or you don’t. This changing your mind business is bullshit.”Fuck!

“You stalked me! I’m not…” I start to argue, but I know he’s right. I didn’t exactly send him on his way today, despite previously telling him to move on. My body deflates. “I’m sorry.”

“I really hope you’re right to trust this guy,” Joel says, ignoring my apology. “Goodbye, Del.”

He gets in the Uber and slams the door, and I flinch at the force of it.

I watch the car drive away, and when it’s finally out of sight, I fall to the ground and crumble.Why does it have to be so hard?

“Fuck! Should I have done more? Did he hurt you? You were with him most of the night, so I thought he was your boyfriend, or at the very least a friend.” Mark drops down beside me, rubbing my back.

“No, he never hurt me,” I say through the tears. “He is…was…”I don’t even know what he is to me.

“Your boyfriend? Did you just break up?”

“No, it’s complicated.”

“Always is.” He sighs, rising to his feet. “Come on. I’ll take you home.”

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