Page 80 of Still Here Without You

“I need you, Joel. Please.” Grinding against him one more time, I rise up on my toes and tilt my body so that his hand moves closer to where I need it. The sultry beat of the music along with Joel’s hands on me is intoxicating, and I don’t ever want him to stop.

“Fuck, Del. You’re killing me.” His voice is so strained that it pains me to hear it, but I’m too desperate to care.

Joel’s fingers brush between my legs once more before he pulls back again and looks into my eyes. He doesn’t say a word, yet I know he’s trying to decide whether to take things further. When I nod, his face flashes with something very close to anguish, but I’m not in the frame of mind to question it. His other hand moves to my back and I’m pulled flush against him.

When his hand travels under my skirt again, I hold my breath until he finally reaches my heat. Every time he runs his fingers over my panties, I have to bite my lip to stop myself from screaming. The build-up is too much to take, and I’m about to beg for more, when his finger moves under the material, slipping inside me. “Oh, God. Oh, God.”

I crumple, but Joel holds me up, pumping in and out a few times before adding a second finger and filling me up. “Fuck!” he huffs out into my hair. “I’ve got you, Del, just focus on my hand, focus on the feel of me inside you.”

In the back of my mind, I know this is wrong, on so many levels, but I can’t stop. “Joel!”

He pumps harder, curling his fingers, making us both moan simultaneously. I’m so close that I can’t see straight, and when his thumb applies pressure exactly where I need it…I’m a goner.

Biting down on Joel’s shoulder, I stop myself from screaming as my body spasms out of control. True to his word, Joel never lets me go. His tight grip remains until I float back down to earth, my head falling to his chest. As soon as the high has gone, the panic sets in, and I frantically look around me.

Pulling me in close, Joel kisses my temple before whispering in my ear. “No one noticed. I’d never let that happen. It’s dark, everyone’s in their own world, and we’re surrounded by moving bodies.”

I can’t respond. My breathing is still too erratic to allow me to form words, but I nod and relax, believing his every word. Like I always do. Nothing has changed in that regard.

When I move slightly, I feel Joel’s hard length press against me and jump. I’d been so focused on my own pleasure that I never thought of his.

“Joel, I’m—”

“Some other time. It’s not as easy for me to be discreet.”

I can’t help but laugh before burying my face in his chest again. “I need more alcohol,” I puff out, my breathing still out of sync.

“I should say no, but I struggle to use that word around you.”

I bite my lip with a smile. “Help me down, then you get the drinks while I clean up.”

Joel laughs, placing his hand on the small of my back and moving us through the crowd.

Chapter Thirty

Delilah

Withmyarmswrappedaround his neck and my legs around his waist, Joel carries me out of the club like I’m a teddy bear he’s keeping close to his chest. I’m not sure how long we’ve been here, but my mind’s a blur, and my vision is hazy.

When we hit the night air, I snuggle into his neck with a giggle. “You need to keep me warm, Joelle. I don’t have that beautiful leather jacket anymore,” I say, burrowing in closer. “Tonight is…was…that was fun,” I stumble over my words, my lips moving against his skin. Joel laughs as he wriggles a little, trying to balance us both while he’s equally drunk.

I don’t know how much we drank, but I’m feeling very sleepy, a little confused, and so fucking happy. Happier than I’ve felt in a long time. Joel squeezes me tighter, then pinches my ass as a flashback of us on the podium has the heat rising to my chest and my core pulsing. I’m about to invite myself back to his place when he interrupts me, hitting me with a verbal equivalent of a slap in the face.

“I will never get enough, Del. Ever. Even if I have to carry you like my sleeping child,” he jokes and my heart cracks. All the light in me disappears, leaving only darkness in its wake.

An overwhelming feeling of suffocation takes over me as a phantom pain shoots through my middle. He continues to talk while I try to breathe, struggling to take in air.

“I’ve missed this. Our back and forth banter. Dylan tried to fill the void but…” Joel stops talking when I wriggle in his arms, coming to a halt. When I free my legs from his grasp, he helps me down and watches in panic as I step back.

His eyes scan my body until they widen in what looks like realization. “Fuck, Delilah. Fuck! I didn’t mean…” he cuts himself off, but I’m not sure why.

I stare up at him, unmoving. With one little statement, I feel like I’m drowning again.

“Stay with me, Del. Please.”

What’s he saying?

I feel the warmth of his hands on my face as he gently grasps my cheeks, but instead of bringing me comfort, it only makes things worse.

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