Page 73 of Still Here Without You

The mention of Rachel stings, but I try to move past that. I heard she had a little girl earlier this year. And while I know Joel’s not the father, my stomach still churns when I think about what her lies did to us. I’m not saying Joel and I would be together if not for her, because that’s not true. Joel desperately wants something I can’t give him, but it definitely didn’t help the situation. I’m not at all interested in filling her shoes. “I’m not a good fit for her position. Come on, Shelby. You know that.”

“I know. But I can help with that. We can make you a good fit. Or we can juggle things around. I’m sure we can find something that works for you and the team.”

My eyes widen in disbelief, eliciting a sigh from Shelby. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have been so mean to you. Even after you tried to talk to me, I was a bitch. Please, let me do this to make it up to you. It’s my final year. I want to go out with a bang. I want us to be the best damn football cheer squad America’s ever seen.”

I can’t help but laugh at that. Shelby was captain at a young age. Cheerleading is her life. I understand her passion. I’m just not sure I’m the one to help her achieve it.

“Please,” she begs, perhaps seeing the hesitancy in my eyes.

“When would I need to audition?”

“Yes! You won't regret this. Eeek, I’m so—”

I raise my hand. “I haven’t said yes, yet.”

“But I can see it in your eyes. You want this too.”

Do I?The distraction can’t hurt. “When is it?” I smile.

“We have six days. It’s on Sunday.”

My eyes widen in shock. “Six days! There’s no way—”

Shelby clutches my wrist and smiles. “We can do it. I promise.”

The day of the audition arrives, and I’m feeling ready. Shelby was right. I’d kept up my strength training while I was away—when I was cleared to do so—meaning I was fit enough to perform. It was only the routines that I needed to focus on. Since the moment Shelby walked away with a bounce in her step, I’ve spent every spare second practicing for this day. I haven’t had time to breathe, let alone focus on anything else, so it’s been a little easier to push Joel to the back of my mind. He’s still there, he’ll always be there, but the thoughts are a little fainter than they were earlier in the week.

After stretching out my calf, I bend forward to work my back and flinch at the mention of Joel’s name. A group of girls dressed in basketball uniforms giggle as they discuss the latest men in their lives.

“Yeah, it was after the frat party. Apparently, he’s amazing in bed.”

My heart pounds in my chest as I’m reminded of the type of guy he’s become. I may have burned a lot of bridges when I left, but I still kept in touch with a lot of people who seemed to want to keep me up to date on all things Joel.

“I’ve heard he sleeps with anything that moves.”

“I’ve heard he never calls.”

“He’s become a panty dropper.”

“Tori said he’s a god in bed.”This one I already knew, but it still hurt to hear.

“It looks like he’s making his way through the campus.”

The Joel they describe seems nothing like the guy I used to know.Used to know.I guess that’s true now. A lot can happen in a year, and I have no idea about the person he’s become, but I have to wonder, is it my fault? Am I the reason he’s changed so much?

Trying to ignore the gossip, I walk to the other side of the room to tune out the rest of their conversation, taking a few deep breaths. It’s time to focus. I need my head in the game right now.

“You’ve got this,” Shelby says, joining my side. “You don’t have to be so nervous.”

I wish that’s what this was.

Putting on my game face, I smile big and wait for my name to be called. “I’ve got this.” And really, Joel being a player should make things easier for us both. If that’s what he wants, then being his friend should be simple.

Shelby and I are celebrating my perfect audition when my phone buzzes in my bag. I ignore it at first until it buzzes again.

Joel: I’m looking forward to seeing you today

Joel: Ice cream’s in the freezer

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