Page 71 of Still Here Without You

“I saw the girl that was sitting next to you,” she says, changing the subject completely. “She’s beautiful, Joel.”

Huh? Oh…

“Summer?”

“I don’t know her name.” She laughs, and even though it sounds forced, it’s still the most perfect sound. I hadn’t realized how much I missed it until now.

“She’s just a friend.”

Delilah raises her eyebrows in skepticism, and I laugh. “No, really, she is. She and Dylan became ‘best friends’ a few months back.” I use finger quotes, which gets me a confused giggle. “Anyway, we’ve become close. She’s a great girl, and I already love her…but not like that.”

Delilah nods, seemingly accepting my response, just as Summer arrives back. She hesitates when she sees us talking, but takes a tentative step closer before sitting down.

Delilah turns to her with her usual warmth, and I can’t help but stare at her as they talk after some quick introductions, thinking about what life would have been like if Delilah had stayed. If I hadn’t been a jackass and slept with her best friend, if we were together. Would she and Summer be friends? I want to say yes. They’re completely different people, but there’s something about them that makes me believe they would be. They’re both so genuine and caring and…Does she have friends like that?Since I managed to fuck up her friendship with Rachel, I can only hope she’s found someone else she can trust.

Delilah stays well into the second half, leaving Cory to perch on Summer’s lap, but when she realizes the time, she apologizes profusely, jumping up to escape. I’m not at all ready for her to go. I just got her back, and I'm terrified that if she leaves right now she’ll disappear from my life once more.

“Can we maybe get a coffee or something?” I blurt, grabbing her wrist as she starts to move away through the crowd. She looks down at our connection before looking back at me, and it occurs to me that despite sitting right next to her, this is the first time we’ve touched. My heart pounds in my chest as I wait for her reply.Please…please say yes.

“I’ll text you,” she says with a small smile, nodding as she darts away.

I’ll text you.That brings me little confidence, but it’s better than a no.

When Delilah’s gone, I can’t help but replay our little reunion in my mind. She was different, more guarded or something. And her usual sass was gone. With Summer and Cory, she was the “bubbly Delilah” I remember, but with me…a piece of her was missing. Her light had faded.Had I caused that? Was it the job? Being back here?I’m desperate to find out, yet nervous at the same time, knowing things will never be the same for us again.

When the game ends, I take the girls through to meet Dylan and Nate before heading home for a break, not yet in the mood to party. I’d usually be the first one out with them to celebrate the win, but right now, I need some alone time. My phone lights up with multiple texts from various people, asking where I am. But none of them are from the one person I want to text, theonlyperson I need to hear from right now. I sink down onto the edge of the bed and drop my head into my hands. Dragging my fingers down my face, I stare at the ceiling and sigh. I sit there for however long until Dylan’s name lights up on my phone, and I know I’ve run out of time. I need to snap out of it and party. On the outside, I’ll be smiling and excited for the guys. But inside, I’m a mess. Delilah’s back. “She’s fucking back.” If only that felt like a good thing.

Chapter Twenty-Six

Delilah

I’mnotsurehowlong I’ve been staring at the steering wheel of my mom’s Honda Civic when movement catches my eye. I look up just in time to see her approach, her brows furrowed and lips pulled into a thin line, her expression full of concern.

Instead of getting out of the car, like I should do, I roll down the window and look up at her through tear-soaked lashes.

“Oh, Delilah, what happened?” Mom asks, her voice laced with sadness.

I shake my head as an answer, pressing my face into the palm of my hands.Where do I even start?I’ve had a month full of emotions, and the icing on the cake is Joel. I don’t know why the idea of seeing him at the game hadn’t occurred to me. Perhaps I somehow blocked the possibility from my mind because Iabsolutely would not have goneif the thought had popped into my head. The second I saw him, my heart stopped and I froze. Locked in place. The world continued to buzz around me, but Joel was all I could see. Well, Joel and the stunning blonde girl sitting beside him. Not to mention the genuine smile he gave her. My heart clenched, my chest tightened, and my insides ached. I should have walked away. I should never have approached him. But as soon as the blonde disappeared, something guided my feet forward to where he sat. Like an invisible force, I had no chance of disobeying. It was unfair to us both, and yet, I couldn’t stop it.

The worry on my mom’s face gets more intense the longer I don’t speak, and when her eyes get glassy, I finally open my mouth. “Why did I think I could come back here, Mom? And why does it still hurt so much?”

“Oh, sweetie.” Mom opens my door and pulls me into her arms. It’s ironic that it took me traveling thousands of miles away to bring us closer, but I’ll forever be grateful that she’s been here for me through the pain.

I smile up at her, but it’s forced, and she knows it. Luckily, she’s one of the only ones who sees right through me. I’m not the same girl I was when I left Heartwood Falls almost two years ago. I don’t know how to describe it. I just feel different, changed somehow. But you wouldn’t know it from the outside looking in.

I’m aware of my mom rubbing her hand up and down my back, but the touch never makes it past the exterior. In the past, her touch would have warmed my soul. I was always desperate for her affection, but now…nothing. Just like I’d felt nothing every time anyone tried to comfort me or offer any kind of support.Until today. All Joel did was grab my wrist, and my entire body came to life. It took every ounce of energy I had to hold back my emotions until I could make it to the car.

I thought I’d managed to close off my heart. I thought time away would have tempered that burning fire, but I was wrong. I now know it’s been simmering away, out of sight, waiting for that spark to reignite it. You’d think that would be a good thing, but in my case, the brighter it burns, the more it hurts.

Two months after cutting ties with Joel, I’d convinced myself I needed to come home. On the same day, I was offered a transfer to the London office, and my life changed. Having a decent boss and actually enjoying the work I was doing made a huge difference when it came to moving on, but now that I’m home, it feels like I’m right back in the moment when everything fell apart.

Following Mom inside, I fall on the couch and curl up into a ball, pulling my legs underneath me.

“Am I correct in assuming you saw Joel today?” she asks, joining me in the living room.

“I did,” I say, without looking up.

Mom sighs. “Did you talk to him?”

---