Page 68 of Still Here Without You

I’m surprised he hasn’t put two and two together, but I let him off the hook. “Because I only just found out. I’m still processing. The mother of the baby just walked out the door. And that detail alone was enough to break Delilah.”

Dylan’s jaw drops before he recovers, shaking his head. “You slept with Rachel. Are you insane? Wait, was this the night at the bar? When you were blind drunk?” He stares at me with raised eyebrows until I nod. “You should have known there was no chance you could get a girl pregnant that night. You could barely stand. Did you even get it up?”

“I don’t remember. But that's not really the point.”

“Fuck! Sorry, you’re right.” Running his hand through his hair again, Dylan looks like he’s taking this harder than I did. At least, until something pops into his head and he smiles.

“Surely this is fixable. Now it’s not true.”

“Sadly, I don’t think it makes a difference.” My tone’s flat as I try to hide my emotions.

Dylan does not do the same. “Why the fuck not?” he yells.

“Delilah’s done with me. Rachel said she called her to tell her everything and that she said it’s too late.”

Dylan’s eyes widen in shock. I’m about to ask why, when it hits me.Fuck!

Grabbing my phone, I dial Del’s number, needing to hear it in her own words. It rings once before going silent. I don’t move as the realization of what that means comes to mind. “She still hasn’t unblocked my number. She’s done.”

“But she’s coming back, right? When the internship’s done, she’s coming back to finish college.”

“I used to think that, but with everything that happened, it wouldn’t surprise me if she never came back.”

Dylan grips my shoulder, his eyes filled with sympathy. “I’m sorry, man. Fuck, I can’t believe you went through that. Alone. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“The truth?”

“Yes, the truth.”

“I was fucking terrified. And in shock. I don’t think I really processed it properly until today and now it’s done.”

“God, it would be terrifying. I mean, I wouldn’t even know the first thing about being a dad.”

“It wasn’t even that. I’ve always wanted kids; I was born ready. But when reality sank in, I couldn’t stop thinking about Mom.”

“What? You shouldn’t be worried about that. She’d be over the moon to be a grandmother.”

“No, I mean—”

“Fuck!” Dylan’s eyes widen as he seemingly gets my meaning before I have to explain. “You can’t think like that.”

“But what if what happened to her happens to someone else I love?”

“No, Joel. I think you need to talk to your mom.”

“Me too. But how do I tell her all of this?”

“From the beginning?”

Dylan pats my back as my lips pull into a line and I shake my head. “I think you’re right.”

“Let’s forget about women tonight and go hang with the boys,” Dylan says when our moment’s passed.

I give him a pointed look. “Those boys never forget about women.”

He laughs. “That’s true, but you know what I mean.”

Unfortunately, I do, so despite wanting to curl up in a ball and cry, I find myself saying, “Sure, let’s go out.” Not much else I can do.

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