Page 67 of Still Here Without You

“After seeing you struggle, I started to feel guilty, so I went to the doctor to ask how we could find out. While I was there, they did a scan, ran a few tests, and it turns out I’m farther along than I first thought.”

“How much farther?”

“Two weeks.”

“Two weeks!” I yell, standing up while massaging my temples.Fuck!“What about Delilah? Did you not even consider how much your lie would hurt her? Fuck! That’s messed up, Rachel.”

“I know! I’m sorry, Joel. I just really wanted her to be yours.”

“That’s not the fucking point. You don’t get to decide that. You don’t get to fuck with Delilah’s life like that. Or mine!”

“Even now, she’s still your priority.”

All I can do is stare. My brain is unable to process what’s going on. I’ve been called a genius—my IQ is off the charts—but this is too much for me to compute.

Rachel stays silent, maybe allowing me time to catch up. After a few minutes, she must realize I have nothing to say because she rises from her seat. “I’m sorry, Joel. I really am. I know this ruined things with Delilah. I called her today to try and fix it, but she said it’s too late. I wish I had something positive to give you, but I don’t.” A sharp pain radiates through me as she hits me with another vital piece of information.Delilah doesn’t care. It’s too late.

“Get the fuck out,” I fume, needing to get in the last word.

Rachel moves to the door, my eyes following her every move, waiting for the next bomb to drop. When she looks back over her shoulder with her apologetic gaze, I want to throw up. Throw up and then scream. I stare at the door long after she’s gone, not at all sure how to move forward.

“Are you ready yet?” Dylan calls out, and I mentally cringe.

When I don’t answer, he knocks on the door and stands on the other side, waiting for a response. A response he’s not going to get.

“All right, man. I’m coming in. You better not be naked.”

He has his eyes closed when he first pushes through, and he’s trying to hide a cocky smirk. The only reason I notice any of this is because I’m still staring in that direction. When I remain quiet, Dylan opens his eyes, all the humor disappearing in a flash. “You look like shit. What happened with Rachel? Fuck, is this about Delilah again?”

The mention of her name snaps me out of my silence. A fierce need to defend her takes over.

“You need to stop blaming Delilah,” I rasp.

“What else am I supposed to do when you won’t tell me what happened? You said she was okay, that she didn’t count it as cheating, but then I’ve watched you slowly fade away. So what do you want me to think?”

“None of this is her fault. I deserve everything I’m feeling.”

“I can’t see how that’s true. You weren’t together, you—”

“Our relationship changed because I got someone else pregnant.”

“What?!” he demands, looking completely stunned.

“Delilah is upset because I got someone else pregnant,” I repeat, even though he definitely heard me the first time.

“Fuck! Jesus, Joel. When…never mind.”

He drops onto the bed beside me, running a hand through his hair. I can see the inner workings of his brain as he decides what to say next. When he makes up his mind, his hand stills and he looks up at me.

“Fuck, so you’re going to be a dad?”

I huff out a laugh. “No, I’m not going to be a dad, I—”

“Ah… come on, man, you’re smarter than this. When a woman is pregnant…”

“Shut the fuck up and let me finish. Turns out it’s not mine.”

“I’m so confused. Why haven’t you sorted it out then? Now that it’s not true?”

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