Page 41 of Still Here Without You

“You don’t want to get in any deeper than we already are.”

Her smile appears at my understanding. “Exactly. So you agree that the other night was our last time?”What? No chance. We could easily make tonight our last time. It seems crazy not to take advantage of the fact we’re alone, in bed, and we happen to have amazing chemistry…plus Ryan Gosling!

“Right?” Delilah asks again, and I know what she needs from me. She really has put joking aside. My answer is no. I don’t agree. In fact, I don’teverwant alast time. But what I say is…

“Of course. It’s for the best.”

Delilah sighs in relief, because I’ve done the right thing, no matter how wrong it feels.

Conversation over, she lays her head on my legs and finishes watching the movie.

I don’t.

I watch her.

The way she pulls her lip between her teeth when the characters have a moment, the way she brushes her hair away from her eyes without thinking about it, the way her eyes light up when she laughs. Everything. I can’t bring myself to look away.

“She’s beautiful, isn’t she?” Delilah asks, pulling me from my thoughts.

“She really is,” I say, with my eyes still on her.

As soon as the end credits roll, Delilah gets up and walks to the kitchen. I follow as she once again makes herself at home, pouring herself a glass of water before moving to the living area, rambling on the entire time about Emma Stone and Ryan Gosling's chemistry and how gorgeous their babies would be.

“God, could you imagine Gosling-Stone babies? Actually, could you imagine Ryan Gosling’s babies in general? Wait, he has kids, right? Oh, to be his baby mama. I mean, you’re all right but…” She pauses, shocked at her words. She’s not the only one. I knew she liked me, but this is bigger than like. Shaking her head, she tries to recover from her slipup. “Not that I…never mind. I love that movie…”

A soft blush accompanies her smile as she continues to talk, trying to take the focus off herself. My lips pull into a grin as I let her off the hook and silently listen to her every word. Something I could happily do all day. She’s stunning at the best of times, but right now, I’ve never wanted her more. And even though I’ve never previously given it thought, the image of Delilah as a mother—the mother to my children—comes to mind.Oh fuck! Everything we spoke about earlier goes out the window. I’m already in too deep. Without thinking it through, I step in front of her and cup her face in my hands. My eyes bounce between hers, wondering if I should tell her how I feel. She pauses, her olive-green eyes looking up at me through her long lashes. My heart races as I think about all the reasons to keep quiet.

“Fuck, I’m going to miss you,” I whisper, pressing my forehead to hers, closing my eyes. “So fucking much.”

I hold off from kissing her, even though I desperately want to as I wait for her to speak. She remains silent, and when I open my eyes, I see a light shine to hers before she looks away and takes a step back.

She stares at me for a beat, then her eyes drop to her phone before she starts frantically collecting her things. “I have to go.” Her words rush out as she moves toward the front door.

“What? What’s going on?”

“Nothing. No, ah…nothing. I just need to study.”

She pulls on one of her shoes while bouncing on one foot and stumbles toward the entryway. I’d laugh at how comical it looked if I wasn’t so frustrated. When she’s finally ready, she pauses and composes herself. “Sorry. I didn’t realize the time. I’ve got a lot to do. I’ll see you before I go, right?”

What the fuck?“Delilah…”

She doesn’t wait for me to answer. In fact, she’s barely finished speaking when she dashes outside. I can’t even process what just happened. I’m just staring at the door, stunned for longer than I should be, until my mind finally catches up. I snap out of my daze and take off in a run.

Chapter Sixteen

Delilah

AssoonasIshut the door to Rachel’s car, I let out a squeal, bang the steering wheel a few times, and then drop my face in my hands. What have I done? How could I be so stupid?Oh, this will be easy…of course, I can have a casual relationship with a gorgeous, intelligent, witty, caring, incredibly giving man and not want more. Of course!God, I’m stupid. There are so many reasons why falling in love with Joel is a bad idea.

One—an obvious one, but it needs to be said—it’s Joel.

Two, I’m about to go away forsix months.

Three, I don’t have time for any commitments.

Four, it’s Joel.

Five, he probably, most definitely, doesnotfeel the same.

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