Page 37 of Still Here Without You

“Kids, huh? Gotta love them,” I say as I stand up straight. Joel doesn’t let go of my arm; instead, he pulls me closer and wraps his arm around my shoulder as we walk.

“I’m actually excited for this to be my future. To see my kids' eyes light up when they hear ‘Jingle Bells’ or for them to squeal when they see Santa.”

At that moment we arrive within earshot of the windows, and the Christmas music finally reaches us. It’s not “Jingle Bells” but “O Holy Night” that’s playing and it’s my favorite. I sigh in happiness and mouth along to the words. Joel squeezes my shoulder to get my attention, and my eyes meet his.

“Although seeing your face light up just now is also magical,” he says, making me giggle shyly as my chest heats.

“What can I say; I’m a big kid. Fairytales, Christmas, magic. It’s my thing. And like you, I’m excited to one day see that through the eyes of my kids.One day.”

A curious look crosses Joel’s face before his eyebrows rise and he grins. “I’m up for acting like kids today. Let’s experience it through their eyes,” he says with a gleam in his. He looks so excited I couldn’t possibly turn him down, even if I wanted to.

“Okay,” I say, with a confident nod. “What did you have in mind?”

“This is crazy,” I say to myself, but it’s impossible to hide the happiness in my voice. I haven’t stopped laughing since Joel clasped our fingers together and took off running through the crowd. We’ve squealed at the sight of reindeers and elves, we’ve danced in the street to our favorite songs, and we’re now lined up to get a photo with Santa. Joel’s practically bouncing in excitement as he chats to the young twins in front of us.

“What’s number one on your list this year?” he asks, dropping to one knee to look them in the eyes. The little girls’ faces light up as they consider his question. They’re silent for a moment until a barrage of responses come flying out of their mouths.

“A doll,” “A bike,” “A Cinderella dress,” “Captain Marvel toy,” “Trolls movie…”

The list goes on and on until their mother bends down to quiet her children, but Joel waves her off. “They’re fine. I asked the question.”

She smiles down at him with a gaze that does nothing to hide her thoughts.Yep, he’s dreamy.No denying that.

“What do you want for Christmas?” one of the girls asks Joel, nervously swaying from side to side. He looks up at me with a small smile before answering.

“I want this girl here to remember me,” he whispers loudly, pointing at me over his shoulder. My heart stops, and the world around me freezes.

“Has she forgotten?” the other girl asks, as both of them eye Joel and me with puzzled expressions. Her question might bring me back to the conversation but my heart still beats out of control.

Joel chuckles as he shakes his head, completely unaware of what his words are doing to me. “No, I want to make sure she remembers me in the future.”

“Oooh,” the twins say in unison, nodding their heads, but it’s clear they have no idea what he means.

“Alright, you two. We’re up.”

The mother grabs the two girls and moves toward Santa, offering a small wave back at us in thanks. Joel stands up next to me, with a smile on his face, like he didn’t just send my stomach swirling.

When it’s our turn for a photo, Santa shuffles over on his red velvet seat so that Joel can sit beside him. I move to stand next to them but Joel pulls me down so that I’m perched on his lap as Santa chuckles next to us.

“Say ho ho ho,” the elf photographer says as we all smile.

Joel chooses that moment to tickle my waist, and the resulting photo has both Santa and me laughing out loud, with Joel smirking away in the background.

“What’s next, Del? It’s your choice,” he says as we walk away, photo in hand.

I don’t even have to think before I answer because the sight in front of me is perfect. “It’s time you sang with that choir over there.” I point in the direction of a group setting up to sing. Joel watches them for a moment as though he’s considering my request, but then his eyes widen and he spins back to me.

“Ahhh, you almost had me there.”

“Come on. Just once. You don’t even have to sing seriously. Please,” I whine, still desperate to hear him sing, like it will be the answer to all my questions.

“Nope. Not today,” he says, turning in the opposite direction.

I curse at him under my breath, and he laughs before linking our fingers and pulling me away. “Come on. Let’s eat.”

We haven’t kissed at all during the day, but we’re constantly touching. Like there’s a pull toward each other that we can’t break away from. The banter, the teasing—it’s us to a tee, but there’s something else going on, a current under the surface that has my insides twisted. Yet I don’t want this day to end.

“Have you really never seen a Marvel movie?” Joel asks, his eyes wide with shock, as we arrive at his bike after the long day.

---