Page 110 of Still Here Without You

Joel’seyesareclosedwhen I peek through the curtain. His face is contorted as though whatever he’s dreaming about has him worried. I walk in quietly and drop into the chair beside the bed. It’s only when I’m settled that I take in the room, noticing the beeping machines and cords surrounding him.

Reaching for his hand, I curl our fingers together and rest my head on the bed in the tiny bit of space near his shoulder. I’d give anything to hop on the bed beside him and wrap my arms around his waist, but this will have to do. As soon as my eyes close, the mess that is my life flashes through my mind. It’s like an old movie on repeat. One of those silent films where the lead character keeps making mistake after mistake for comedic value, only there’s nothing funny about the fuckups I’m dreaming of. I don’t even know how to move forward from here. I—

“Del?”

My head shoots up, and I sigh in relief. Even though his mom said he was okay, seeing it for myself makes a world of difference.

“Hey, you.”

Joel smiles as his eyes travel over every part of me that he can see. When he focuses on my cheer uniform, he curses. “Fuck. Did you miss it?”

“No, I’d already been on when—”

“Thank God. How did it go?”

What?I love that he’s always taking an interest in my life, but now’s not the time to focus on me. “It was amazing, but I don’t want to talk about it. I need to know about you.”

“Not much to say.” He shrugs.

“Joel. You’re lying in a hospital bed after having an accident. That’s the only information I know. There’s plenty to say.”

He sighs, running a hand down his face. “I’m okay. Isn’t that all that matters?”

“Of course it is, but—”

“I made a mistake. In a long line of many. I’m lucky it wasn’t more serious and that I was the only one involved.”

My heart breaks for him. “You’re not the fuckup you think you are, Joel. It was an accident.”

“I was beingreckless,” he says, his voice raised.

I cringe and have to wonder if I have something to do with him acting out that way. He moves to get comfortable, but the action seems to cause more harm than good, and his face contorts again as he cries out in pain. A machine starts beeping at his increased heart rate, and a few seconds later, a nurse comes into the room. She checks him over, asking a few standard questions, then resets the machine before walking away.

I can’t take my eyes off his chest after seeing the nurse giving that area the most attention. “Is it more serious than you’re letting on?” I ask as my own pulse rate spikes.

Joel shakes his head. “I’m fine, Del. But I need something to distract me.”

I don’t know what to say to distract him. I need something to distract myself. He’s not telling me something. I don’t know how I know that, but I do.

The curtains rustle, and my heart drops when the pink-haired girl I saw Joel with enters the room.There’s the distraction.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt,” she says with a beautiful and genuine smile.

“Hey! I didn’t know you were here,” Joel says, his face lighting up.Fuck!I need to go.

“I’m going to…” I point to the door and stand to leave.

Joel’s fingers wrap around my wrist as he lurches toward me on the bed. He flinches in pain, trying to act like it’s not as bad as it is. My heart beats erratically in my chest.

“I’ll come back another time,” I lie. “I’ll let you two have a moment.”

The girl eyes me curiously, then looks at Joel with a puzzled expression. He shakes his head at her without letting go of my arm.

“Sit back down, Del.”

“But—”

“I’ll wait for Summer outside. It’s good to see you’re okay, Joel.”

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