Page 108 of Still Here Without You

“Wouldn’t miss it.”

I’m still smiling when I get home, and instead of feeling out of sorts, like I have been for almost two years, I feel excited for the next chapter in my life and actually find myself looking forward to whatever it may bring.

Chapter Forty-One

Joel

ThetimecomesforDylan to say his goodbyes, and even though he’ll probably be back next week, the moment is filled with sadness.

“It’s the end of an era, buddy,” I say, patting him on the back.

Dylan sighs, still not one hundred percent confident in his decision to pack up and move away, but I have no doubt he’ll change his mind as soon as things get started with his team.

“I can’t believe you won’t be close by to give me shit anymore,” he says with a huff.

“I know. You’re not going to have anyone around to tell you when your outfit doesn’t match.” I fake a frown.

“Fuck off, that’s never happened.”

I laugh, but it turns somber. “I’m only a phone call away.” I say that like it’s a comfort. When in reality, it’s not. I really need him at the moment. I’m a mess. My life is a mess. But I don’t say that. Instead, I smile.

“I know, man. But I’ll miss you,” he says with nod.

“Aww, I love you too.”

Dylan laughs as he looks out the window. When Summer walks into view, his laughter turns to a sigh. “You’re going to look after her, right?”

“I’ll never let her out of my sight.”

He scoffs, and I raise a hand before he can yell at me. “In all seriousness, I love her just as much as I love you. Have I ever let you down?”

“Not even once,” he says with a grin.

“Exactly, and I’m not about to start.”

Cory and Nate arrive, and Dylan does his rounds saying goodbye before Summer takes him to the airport. I can’t even imagine how that goodbye is going to go. Actually, I can. And I know there’ll be tears.

When the afternoon rolls around, I’m buzzing with excitement, pumped for Delilah’s tryouts. She’s not on until early evening, but I’m ready to go by three, so I make my way to the stadium to try and catch her before she starts warming up. There are people everywhere when I arrive, some dressed in cheer outfits, some clearly supporters. It seems like the entire campus is here, and I’m not even sure they’re permitted inside to watch. Or maybe they’re here for other campus activities; there seems to be a lot going on.

My eyes scan the crowd for Delilah as I dodge the array of people. I’m almost ready to give up and wait for her at the end, when her red locks come into view. There she is, looking as beautiful as ever. My heart skips as I watch her throw her head back and laugh at the person next to her. Being her friend is hard, but not having her in my life was even harder. And while I told her yesterday that we needed to talk, I’ve come to the realization that we have plenty of time for that. Right now, I just need to focus on rebuilding her trust.

Pushing past body after body, I make my way to the only person I’ll ever love. I’m about to call out when a vaguely familiar guy walks up behind her, wrapping her in his arms. He kisses her temple before she spins around and gives him a chaste kiss on the lips. My world stops and my heart shatters. I’m frozen in place as I watch everything I’ve ever wanted slip through my fingers. People continue to go about their day, moving around me like nothing has happened. Like my entire future didn’t just fall to pieces. I’m stuck in place, unable to move until someone knocks into me from behind, breaking my connection to Del. The motion snaps me out of my daze as a feeling of emptiness takes over. My chest aches and I feel sick to my stomach.Is that why she said she shouldn't have kissed me? Has she moved on?I watch as Marky Mark entwines their fingers together before raising them to his lips. It’s an intimate gesture, and she can’t take her eyes off the movement. Neither can I. A little part of me knew this might happen, but I’d always managed to block it from my mind.

I can’t be here anymore. I promised myself I’d be her friend, no matter what she said after I confessed it all. That I’d still be willing to accept defeat, even if she didn’t want to be with me. But now that it’s a reality, I’m not sure I can do it. I want her to be happy. It’s all I’ve ever wanted, but watching it is an entirely different story.

I push through the crowd once more, but this time I don’t really look where I’m going, bumping into people left, right, and center. When I reach the parking lot, I’ve moved past sadness, now angry instead. Angry at myself for waiting so long, angry at Delilah for moving on, and angry at the world for putting so many obstacles in our way. I need to talk to her, to know for sure that what I saw is real, but right now, I need to get away.

Pulling my helmet over my head, I jump on my bike and speed away from campus. I need air; I need to feel fearless. Rushing through the streets, I swerve through the traffic until I reach an empty road. I’ve been here a million times before. And even though I know it’s stupid, the feel of being on edge always settles me down. Twisting the throttle, I increase my speed until it hits dangerous levels. I scream out into the wind and then wince as a flashback of Delilah doing the same thing hits me like a punch. Tears suddenly prick my eyes, and I struggle to see. There’s a fine line between recklessness and losing all control, and I’m approaching that boundary with my blurred vision. I blink back the tears, closing my eyes for barely a second.A second to long. A car pulls out onto the dirt road directly in my path. The bike skids in my attempt to avoid a collision, and everything happens in slow motion. The car swerves. My wheel loses traction. My shoulder scrapes along the ground and I slide toward an electrical pole, unable to stop. An image of Delilah flashes to mind right before impact. Then everything goes black.

Chapter Forty-Two

Delilah

Ican’tstopsearchingthe crowd even though I shouldn’t be. Yes, Joel said he’d be here, but it was an emotional day for him so I’d understand if he changed his mind.

Eli waves to get my attention, his expression pursed.

“Thank you for coming today. I really appreciate the support,” I say in a daze.

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