Page 49 of When Nothing Else Matters

So instead, I protect my heart and ignore the one person who brings me so much happiness while unknowingly causing so much pain.

I’m dancing with a different guy for the fourth time tonight.Or is it fifth? I don’t know.Point is, I’m moving through men as fast as I’m knocking back drinks, because none of them—no matter how attractive or flirty—not a single one holds my attention. That attention was reserved earlier tonight, and despite him having no knowledge of it, it’s going to remain with him.

When I chance a quick look his way, Dylan’s talking with Luke, both of their eyes on a group of cheerleaders sitting nearby. An uncomfortable feeling swarms in my chest as I watch a smile light up his face. I have no right to feel this way, but I recognize it for what it is—jealousy.

I spin around in my dance partner’s arms, after briefly forgetting he was there. His hands are on my waist, gripping tightly, and the fact that I couldn’t even feel them scares me. But there’s no processing that issue right now. I need to escape these feelings.

“I think I need a break. Can we go outside?” I ask and manage to bring a smile to my face. I could just leave him here and go outside alone, but I need something to take my mind off Dylan.

“Of course. Lead the way,” he says, gesturing toward the exit. We walk in single file through the room, and once we’re outside, I feel instantly calmer.

The guy starts talking about the latest must-see horror movie, and I tune him out and think about the last thriller I watched with Dylan instead.Dammit! So much for forgetting about Dylan.

Why am I being so stupid, anyway?He hasn’t done anything wrong. I’m the one who has issues, not him. Ignoring him won’t solve anything. I need to talk to him and apologize for my shitty behavior. I’m actually shocked he hasn’t called me out on it. I turn and offer an apologetic smile. “I need to—”

“I know,” he says with a genuine, albeit shy smile. “You’ve been sneaking glances at Dylan all night. I’m not sure what’s going on between the two of you, but there’s something. I’m pretty sure at one point he wanted to knock me out.”

I laugh, though I feel pretty bad for ditching him. “I’m sorry,” I say, crinkling my nose in apology.

“Don’t be,” he says, and I think he actually means it. “Dylan’s a good guy.”That he is.

I feel the need to set him straight about Dylan and me, even though I don’t owe him anything. “Nothing’s going on with us,” I say, but don’t quite believe it myself. “I just need to talk to him. Clear the air about something.”

“Gotcha,” he says, leaning back against his car, waiting for me to depart.

I smile and move to head back inside, just as a familiar figure walks out the door. I can’t help but smile.Maybe he came looking for me.I’m about to call out when he walks over to a beautiful woman and stops in front of her and her car. She leans forward and kisses his cheek, bringing about a fresh wave of jealousy.

God, I need this to stop.

They talk for a moment, with big smiles, before Dylan joins her in the car.Well, this is a familiar scene.Only difference is that I’m usually the one looking at it from his point of view.

When the car moves toward me, I try to look away, but for the life of me I can’t break my stare. Something in me needs to watch this play out until the very end.

They’re both still smiling at each other as they approach. When the car is level with us, Dylan’s eyes suddenly lock on mine with a look I can’t decipher. He doesn’t look happy to see me with the guy next to me, even though he’s the one leaving the party with someone else.

“Ah, shit. That sucks,” the guy says from behind me, but I ignore him. As soon as the car is out of sight, I walk back inside, leaving him alone in the parking lot.

He went home with someone? Dylan went home with someone.I mean, of course he did. He’s single. We’ve talked a lot about the fact that he’s taking a different approach to his love life. This was inevitable, and yet, I did not see it coming. Nor did I ever stop to think about how I’d feel when it happened. Dylan and I can never be more than friends. I know this. I’m the one who set that boundary. I placed him securely in a friendship box, locked it up tight, and threw away the key. Watching him leave just now made me want to find that metaphorical key, pick it up, and place it in my back pocket for safekeeping. Just in case I want more. In other words, I’m screwed.

I told myself that going to a game was a bad idea, only I never predicted Dylan would be the reason. Or rather, my feelings toward Dylan. The electricity I felt between us when I jumped into his arms was hard to ignore, but something I wanted to forget. Fast. I practically pushed him into that girl’s arms, walked him into her room, turned back her sheets and said “have at it.” I deserve the sting of jealousy I’m feeling.

No matter how much we both try to pretend, things have definitely changed between us. I know it seems I’m keeping Dylan in the friend zone because he deserves better than a one-night stand. That’s right, but it’s so much more complicated than that. I should have kept my distance from the start. I never should have pretended to be his best friend. And I definitely shouldn’t have let him into my heart, even platonically. I should have left him alone.Should have, but didn’t.And now, I have no idea what to do with the situation I’ve gotten myself in. But I can’t seem to bring myself to walk away.

After tossing and turning all night, I decide the only way to move forward is to apologize to Dylan for avoiding him at the bar and then try and focus on our friendship. We’ve got the football team fundraiser this weekend, so the last thing I want to do is make things awkward between us. I take a deep breath and pick up my phone to text him just as someone bangs on the door.

“I’m coming,” I yell, jumping out of bed wearing only my panties and tank top. Whoever is at the door is going to get an eye full for knocking this early in the morning.I’m kidding.When I reach the door, I barely open it wide enough to peek through. No one needs to see my pajamas, or lack thereof. I internally laugh at my own thoughts until I see the figure waiting to greet me. Dylan is standing in the doorway with his arms locked onto the frame above his head.

He’s wearing different clothes from last night and smells freshly showered, so I allow myself to pretend he went home alone last night. Why he’s here now, though, is anyone’s guess. He looks confident and determined and…hot.

“Dylan, what—” I don’t get to finish my sentence before he flings the door all the way open, pushes me against it, and slams his lips to mine, like this moment is completely out of his control. I still for a second, shocked, before my brain fires and I match his intensity.

Dylan holds my shoulder in one hand and pushes the other into my hair, gripping tightly before palming my neck and deepening our kiss. My own hands travel up along the ridges of his strong back until I reach his shoulders and pull him tighter against me. The movement causes Dylan to press into me, eliminating all space between us. As soon as our bodies touch, he expels a guttural groan, and if it isn’t the sexiest sound I’ve ever heard…Mmm.My own moan escapes this time.

The pressure of his warm lips feels amazing, and when he purposely bites my bottom lip, an electric current shoots through my entire body, causing my skin to pebble with goose bumps. As cliché as this might be, I haveneverfelt like this before.

One of my hands moves to his hair, and with our bodies flush and Dylan’s hand gripping the back of my neck possessively, I’m completely lost in the moment. I moan into his lips as he pulls away, and I feel the loss of him all over. Our gazes lock, and neither of us release our grip on the other. It’s an intense moment that I’d usually shy away from, but I’m still stunned over what just transpired.

Dylan searches my eyes for something as my pulse slowly returns to normal. “I think we both needed that. To get it out of our systems,” he says, completely shocking me. He steps back, creating some breathing room between us, and his eyes scan over my body, lingering on my panties longer than everywhere else. ”Fuck! Where are your clothes?” he groans and runs his hand up through his hair, further tangling the mess I just made.

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