Page 44 of Fall Twice

“Not then, no,” he answers simply.

A sound of disappointment escapes me. “Sometimes I think I compared every other relationship with the way you and I were physically, and there was no comparison. But then I remembered we were probably that way because we were nothing else.”

“That’s how you formed your theory that you can’t have both? Great sex and a guy who loves you?”

I nod in agreement. “It took me a long time to get over you. A very long time. When I got married, I thought it was finally okay, because in the end I ended up with who I probably should be with, all the boxes checked, even if the passion wasn’t the same. But that didn’t work out, and now you are back in my life. But I’m wiser now, Reid. I won’t make the same mistake twice,” I warn him.

His tongue circles inside of his mouth as his hands land on his hips. “Let me get this straight, you are assuming I’m just like I was then? Lena, I’m not twenty-two anymore.” There is disapproval in his voice.

“I’m guarding my heart because I know you’ve changed, and I’m not sure what that means for me. I just need to keep my caution based on the past. It’s not just me now. I’m a package deal with a little guy who can’t have his mom making a stupid mistake.”

Reid raises his head in attention, then steps closer to me again. He grips my shoulders to ensure that I look him straight in the eye. “Is that what you think we’re doing? Just messing around for fun?”

I scoff a laugh. “It’s not like we’re doing much more.”

His eyes bug out at me. “What was last night?”

“Trick-or-treating?” I’m puzzled.

“Yeah. You let me be around your son.”

I shrug.

“My world has been pretty small lately, until you waltzed back in,” he tells me.

“All the more reason we should probably not mess up the friendship we could have. If that’s even possible,” I mutter the last part to myself.

Reid drags his hand across his face. He doesn’t seem pleased with my words, but one of us has to be smart about all of this.

“You’re pushing me away?” he asks.

I notice my sweater on the floor and grab it to pull over my head. “I don’t know what I’m doing, I never do when I’m around you. That hasn’t changed. But we need to do better if we have any hope of not causing an explosion that doesn’t end well for one of us.”

Reid slowly nods his head in understanding. “I get it.” He sounds somber, but he can’t resist and reaches out to cup my cheek and rub the pad of his thumb along my skin. I take the opportunity to breathe him in and feel the warmth of his hand.

“Stay longer?”

I shake my head gently. “I need to get home, and already talking to you while you stand shirtless before me is testing my restraint,” I attempt to joke.

“Is this you telling me to give you space or you telling me that I need to figure it out?” he wonders.

“It’s your turn to find that answer. You’re smart, Professor.” I dab my finger against his chest. “I’ve said my piece and know my boundaries, and it’s hard, but I think I’m doing the right thing.”

I notice his Adam’s apple bob as he swallows, maybe even nervously. “When I discover our answer?”

I give him a closed half-smile. “Bring me pumpkin pie and tell me about it.”

He leans down to kiss my forehead, tenderly and longingly. When we part, we look at one another in acknowledgment that this is the right thing to do.

It still doesn’t make it any easier when I walk out his door, but I feel at peace because it just means I can’t get in any deeper now.

15

REID

Walking from the parking lot, I debate with myself if this is a good idea. But Prudence sent a reminder that she has a stall at the Hollows Fall Festival, and when I mentioned a special winery would also have a stall, then Johnny was sold to become my partner in crime.

Johnny nudges my arm as we enter the festival area in front of the courthouse. It’s afternoon, crowded, a bit nippy in temperature, and I’ve been in a mood for a week or two.

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