Page 5 of Begin Again Again

Well, that wasn’t technically true, but it felt true. Her life looked more together when she was twenty-six—if you overlooked all the drinking and throwing up and fighting with her parents. She’d had a boyfriend, though. And a successful podcast.Anda pair of Givenchy boots someone ditched at a garage sale. Beth took Angus from the pram and settled him on the grass. She kicked off her sneakers and sat beside him. As she dug her toes in the cool grass and earth, the reality of her upcoming date sank in. In a couple of hours, she’d be trying to make small talk with an exceptionally beautiful man while stone cold sober. Beth hadn’t even gone on a first date since she was twenty-five. And that had been meeting Stephen at Cassette Nine for a cocktail that turned into nine and sex.

She pictured The Guy standing in the summer sun, the perfect blue butterfly fluttering at his throat. How was she supposed to flirt with him sober? How was she supposed to suggest he take her home sober?

Her thoughts turned to Dolly. If Beth called her, she’d know what to say. But that assumed Dolly would pick up. The memories of their last call were so awkward they hurt Beth’s teeth. She stroked Angus’ velvet hand. “Hey, did you know I’ve never been on a date without alcohol?”

Angus pulled up a tuft of grass.

“Yeah, it’s easy for you, isn’t it? You just have to sit there, screaming and shitting yourself. It’s not that easy for the rest of us.”

Angus let out a fart.

“Cheers.” Beth stood, brushing grass from her jeans. “Let’s get going.”

Nathan and Lara were sitting on the couch with glasses of red wine. They leapt to their feet at the sight of her.

“Hi,” Beth said cheerily. “Don’t get up. I’ll start dinner.”

“You’re crazy.” Lara grabbed the food bags from under the pram. “Nate, can you put Angus down?”

“Sure.” Nathan unbuckled his son from the stroller. “Hey there, mister.”

“He’s been great today.”

“Of course, he has.” Nathan kissed his son’s head, smiling absently at Beth. “Lara says you’ve got a date.”

“Um, yeah. Kind of.”

“More of a… hook-up thing?”

Beth tried not to wince. “Something like that. I’ll, ah, keep you guys updated.”

“Right.” Nathan cleared his throat. “I’ll go and put Angus down.”

“Cool.”

Beth had always thought Nathan didn’t like her. Now that she was sober and his houseguest, she understood it wasn’t personal. He was awkward and off in his own head a lot. Still, knowing that didn’t make small talk any easier. She wished they could just admit they weren’t and never could be friends and peacefully ignore each other. It would be a lot less stressful.

Nathan reappeared sans Angus and snatched up his wineglass. “Forgot this. Have…ah…see you later.”

Beth groaned. Lara explained back in February that she wasn’t an alcoholic, but eight months later Nathan was still too scared to leave her alone with unattended liquor. Beth longed to seize his wine and splash it in his face. No, she longed to grab him by his shirt collar and shake him. Scream,‘Lots of people don’t drink, doofhead. It’s not a big deal!’

But was it? Beth imagined grabbing a glass of Shiraz and joining Lara as she cooked dinner. They’d laugh and probably reminisce about their time at The Herald. Her insides would go melty, her inner voice would wander off for a while. She could get ready for her date in the glow of two or three glasses and breeze into the pub. She wouldn’t be shy, she could sit right in The Guy’s lap and ask‘Why are we wasting our time here? Where’s your place?’

She could be the life of the party again. Everyone’s good time girl. She could be BETH!

Or she could chuck on Lara’s carpet. Say something so stupid to The Guy that she’d want to kill herself afterward. Ruin her friendship with the funniest woman in the world. All real possibilities.

Beth glanced at the doorway, then sat on Lara and Nathan’s couch. She pulled out her phone and opened her digital copy ofThe Sober Lush.Flipping to the section on substance-free sex felt like using a paper fan as a parachute, but it was better than nothing. Probably.

As she began to read, her phone buzzed. A text from an unknown number.

Told you I’d remember. See you at 8

Chapter 2

The night air was warm and smelled like lavender, hot asphalt, and lemon leaves. It flirted with the hem of Beth’s mini-dress, tickling at her overexcited skin. She bounced on her toes as she walked the semi-dark streets to The Vic. Whatever happened next, no one could deny it was a good night for a date.

“You look gorgeous,” Lara had said, hugging her at the door. “At least kiss him.”

---