Page 4 of Begin Again Again

“How strong you are?”

“Your son. You made him less than a year ago. An entire human and you’re already back at work.”

Lara rolled her eyes, but she was smiling.

“You’re amazing. And it’s fine to be a human being who needs help, remember? Isn’t that what you told me when you let me move in eight months ago?”

“I knew you’d use that against me.” Lara sighed. “Fine, take my son and go buy us a healthy dinner, you bitch.”

Beth buckled Angus into his seat, checked she had cloth grocery bags, and wheeled him onto Sydney Road. Traffic was starting to return to pre-lockdown levels, and as cars crawled past, Beth was glad to be walking in the sunshine. Strangers smiled into the pram and then at her.

“She’s adorable,” said a granny in a pink Adidas tracksuit.

There was no point correcting randoms about Angus’ gender. He was yet to get a haircut, and Lara refused to buy him ‘boy’ clothes.‘Fucking camouflage and trucks. Can we wait until he’s five before he joins the army?’

“Thank you,” Beth said, pushing the pram onward.

“Let’s hope she turns out as pretty as you,” the granny called.

“That seems pretty unlikely…”

“What?”

“Thank you!”

Beth also knew better than to waste time explaining she wasn’t Angus’ mum. People saw her dark red plait and his copper hair and drew a straight line. They weren’t to know she and Lara had bonded at the New Zealand Herald because they were the only redheads on staff. Some gingers feared the hothead label. Lara got escorted out of a Christmas party for stomping on an assistant editor’s foot. He had asked her if the carpet matched the drapes.

“Your baby is so cute!”

Beth flashed a smile at the passing woman. “Thank you!”

People were chattier on the street these days; everyone wanted to connect. Beth recalled The Guy leaning into her car, and her stomach flipped over. After eight months of days that all felt the same, she couldn’t believe something so strange and incredible had happened. Angus whined, stirring in his seat.

“What’s up, buddy?”

Angus made a face.

“I bet you’re gonna be a nightmare ginger, just like your mum. You’re lucky you’re growing up in Australia. It’s a hard world out there for redheads. Especially in New Zealand.”

Angus hiccoughed.

“Hey Angus, you’ve heard your mum talk about Amys, haven’t you?”

Angus gaped at her.

“You haven’t?” Beth cleared her throat. “So, New Zealand, where your dad is from, is a small island nation where white people primarily reproduce with other white people from New Zealand. And now all the white women have the same face, something your mum noticed in 2011, when she first moved to Auckland for work.”

Angus’ mouth split wide, exposing his small square teeth. Cheered, Beth continued. “Your mother detected that all Amys are skinny, have straight light brown or blonde hair, big teeth, and puffy jackets from Kathmandu. They enjoy rosé and Mecca Cosmetics. They generally say things like‘Oh my god, hiiiiiiiiiiii’and‘I’ll have the zucchini fritters.’Jacinda Ardern is an Amy. Rachel Hunter inTip Topis an Amy. Lorde is a half-Amy. The girl who plays Amy inGo Girlsis an Amy.”

Angus yawned. With a little luck, he’d fall asleep before they got to the shopping centre.

“You might be wondering why Auntie Beth isn’t an Amy?” Beth stopped on the corner of Glenlyon Road and kicked the traffic light button. “That’s because I am a descendant of Hone Parone of the Ngapuhi Iwi, and back when women had to wear stupid hats, he married a drunk lady called Margaret McKinnon. Six months later, my Uncle James was born…”

Talk of her ancestry took them all the way to Barkley Square. Beth bought hake, sweet potatoes, and broccolini and collected several fresh compliments about her daughter. She pushed Angus back to Lara’s house, talking aloud about the report she needed to complete for the office. She arrived home to see Nathan’s Lexus in the driveway. Although desperate for a cup of tea and a shower, she knew Lara wanted alone time with her husband.

“Should we go to the park?” Beth enquired of Angus. He gave a small shriek, which she took to mean yes, and steered him across the road.

Randazzo Park was tiny but cute. Beth sat on a graffitied bench and looked at the sky. It was December 3rdand 2020 was almost over. A whole year turned liquid. She’d spent all of last December telling herself 2020 would be different. She’d move to Melbourne and make friends, travel, and hopefully start a new podcast. Instead she’d spent the year in Lara’s spare room, failing to appease a control freak boss and doing yoga YouTube videos. In two months, she’d be thirty. A new decade and nothing accomplished.

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